Monthly Archives: August 2011

Let Love in.


If anybody was to ask me “What is the most important Thing in life?”, I would without a moment’s hesitation blurt out ,”LOVE!” Now, hold on, I know what you’re thinking. What an unoriginal,simple-minded, idealistic response, right? I agree with you. But think about it. Did the Beatles sing, “All You Need is Money”? I think not. Did Romeo spout to Juliet,”The more poetry I give to thee,the more I have”? Nope. After they had their romp in the back of that Model T, did Rose say to Jack, “Thanks, dude. That was a great fuck. Do you have a cigarette?” No. She said, “I love you, Jack.” (I personally think the first quote would have been MUCH more interesting.) My point is- yes, it is completely unreasonable to say that Love is all there is, but that’s the thing about Love. It’s not about being practical,it makes you do things you never thought you would- good AND bad-, and you can’t choose it.
La dee da. Now that I have done some great writing, (wink, wink)I will proceed into the detail of my very own fucked-up love life. A week after my 16th birthday, I was hired as a waitress at a mom-n-pop restaurant, where the Son of mom-n-pop proceeded to fall in love with me. I admit,at first I was skeptical, as he was 7 years my senior and my Jesus-obsessed father had drilled into my head that boys only want one thing. Two years later,I started dating The Son. I had promised myself I wouldn’t have sex with him at least until he said he loved me, which he did about 3 months into the relationship. We ended up not having sex until I was 21. When I was 24, I decided I wanted to be married, so we got hitched. I believe, looking back now, the main reason I wanted to get married was to keep my religious parents from cringing at me every time they saw me when they thought of The Son and I living in sin together. Don’t get me wrong. I did love him and I always will.
During the next 2 years, we proceeded into married life like a good couple. We got our first house, my husband had back surgery, and the number of times we had sex in a year diminished to 5 or so. This is where the fucked-up part comes in.
Now, The Son’s brother had had a friend who we would hang out with occasionally (we will call him the Redhead).In the back of my mind, there had always been something about the Redhead that was electrifying, and he was truly nice, that being the reason I (being a good friend)set him up with my bestie, which ended up with her screaming at me drunkenly after I had had a passionate makeout session with him (also drunken). Anyhoo, after that Me and Bestie made up and the Redhead was never heard from again.
Back to the marriage. After 2 yrs of marriage and 9 months without sex or feeling wanted, you can imagine the horniness that had come over me. At the time, I was just learning the mechanics of Facebook, and to my surprise, there was a friendship request from the Redhead! Well, hello there! We began chatting one night when I was left home alone (which happened ALOT) and had a nice conversation about love and sex. Sex is not love, and at the time, the phrase “making love” confounded me. I mentioned the lackage of boomboom going on in my life and that passionate makeout session came to my mind, making me wonder what MORE than that would be like. He became my Fuck Buddy, which worked out very well for both of us, since I was married and he was too lazy to go get a girlfriend. Now you may be thinking, “what a cheating whore,” but the love I had for my husband was pure and everything was right with us except the sex.(or lack thereof.)So don’t judge me. After a few months of messin’ around, I decided it was shitty of me to do that to my husband, so I left him. I realized that I wasn’t happy with him, OR myself with him, and nothing was ever going to change.My hubby really and truly loved me because after he found out about the cheating, he still wanted me to come home. I didn’t choose sex over love. My Redheaded Fuck Buddy gave me a place to stay while I looked for a new home, and I realized I really truly liked him. He was willing to remain my Fuck Buddy and let me galavant around with whomever I chose, but I was never really into one-night stands. We became official when he sent me a text: “I want you to only cling to me.” And that is how I got my Rockstar. Things aren’t perfect and sometimes Love is fucked up, but I do not regret the things I have done, and I will always do whatever I do for Love.

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P.O.S. or not P.O.S. That’s the question.


My rockstar is working on my POS car. What a sweety. Of course, I myself don’t really call it that, because it is paid for and gets me where I want to go- isn’t that what a car is supposed to do? Anyway, my Cougar has a dent the size of Texas in the side of it from my ex-husband (who never looked before he backed up into my cars) and because my Rockstar likes shiny new things- he has decided that my car is a heap. Oh, well. It’s not like I can afford a NICE car. After 12 years of having vehicle payments I could never afford, if my car doesn’t blow smoke or is falling apart on the highway, I shall continue to be thankful for a car that is paid off. And especially since I have a hunny who will work on it… HEEHEE. I suppose I shall go help him get the thing off of the other thing, since he probably doesn’t know what he’s doing. Tra-la-la goodbye!

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Just one of THOSE days…


For the most part, I like to talk about myself way to much, so I decided to start a blog. Well, that, and the fact that I was creeping on the computer history at work and saw that my co-worker started one too! I should say that I aspire to write exciting and beautiful books, so this is kind of like practice. ARRRGH! I’m trying talk about myself here and these SO VERY annoying customers keep bothering me with inane questions! Customers, you say? Yes, I am one of the “uneducated” people who must work retail because I chose not to spend $50,000 to learn. Kudos to all you college students BTW! I just didn’t want to spend a bunch of money and then find myself in debt with no job for what I went to school for. Anyway! I found myself an awesome job in a used bookstore where the books are abundant and the work is minimal. Don’t get me wrong- there is plenty to do here; it just seems that the others who work here don’t want to do it. And so, I made a decision that if the boss doesn’t care, I don’t either. Except I do. Because I love books and they need to be given respect, and nobody is going to want to buy them if they are scattered everywhere! 😡 Ok, I shall not be too bitter. I get to be around books all day and see interesting customers, which I shall be sure to tell you about! But I have been described as having histrionic personality disorder, and the customers are pissin’ me right off right now! This woman with a face resembling the Elephant Man’s keeps asking me for books that she saw when she walked in that she cannot find now. I believe her vision is impaired due to the giant ridges that have caused her eyes to be at different levels. I sound very rude for my first blog; I promise you that I don’t really mean it! This has been a sort of “Fuck you” day- mainly because my boss is a giant weenie that has to be on a power trip at work because his wife is the Boss of him at home. Which turns out very badly for me, since I am the only employee that has to see his stupid face every day! More on that later. I am happy to say that there remains only an hour and a half of work left for me, before I get to go home and see my rockstar! YAY! I call him my rockstar because he is the only boy I know personally who can actually play guitar, and I intend to make us both rockstars someday. I suppose I cannot describe him as a boy, as he is really a 40 yr old man, but I make him younger. And he CAN drink me under the table, so he’s still got it. As they say- rockstars are all about sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll- we love rocknroll, he did a stripper on drugs once, so what is left? Now you see why I am excited to go home! Until then, I suppose I could work for a minute. Til tomorrow then! XOXO
P.S. I know that was entirely too long to be a blog, but I was just letting you all know what’s up. Also, occasionally I will be describing what I’m wearing- ok, not in the creepy cyber-sexy way that sounded! Only because clothes make me excited! So today I am wearing black leggings with a black ruffly skirt, a red shirt with a short-sleeved black satin blazer and red satin heels with black patent leather piping. Yay for shoes!

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Filed under Books, Fashion, Humor, Life, Love, Poetry, Uncategorized, Work