Children are our future??


Top o’ the mornin’ to ya, all my dear bloggers! Imagine my surprise this morning when I checked my stats and saw that I had 14 views yesterday! I love you all! At least I’m not just talking to myself anymore. (Which I really don’t mind doing…) So. Today I shall delve into a subject that is very sensitive for me. It is something I think about every day but cannot talk about without tearing up. The subject of children.

Ever since I was very young, I told everybody I wanted to have 5 boys. Now, don’t ask, “Why boys?” because I’m not entirely sure myself. It seems odd since I love pink, and dressing up, and anything sparkly. Perhaps it is the idea of having my grown sons towering over my short self, (I’m 5’3″) being the Momma’s Boys I know they would be. Anyway, it did seem I was in the perfect situation when I married a man who was fine with having that many kids. Alas, it was not to be. I was with the man for 12 years, never using condoms or birth control, and came out the other side without even a miscarriage- all while everyone I know was popping out kids left and right. Perhaps it was me, maybe it was him, I guess I will never know for sure because we are now divorced and I have never been able to afford health insurance to go through the bullshit of fertility testing. If I am to be barren, I would rather NOT know for sure anyway, I think. I would guess that it IS me, though, since I have since had irresponsible unprotected sex with men who have fathered children.

Nearly everyone I know has said to me at one time or another that I would make an excellent mother. Now, I’m slightly perplexed about how they would know this, as I never baby-sat as a teenager, commented people on how lovely their children are, or even held my cousin’s babies without handing them back almost immediately. Nevertheless, I whole-heartedly agree with these Everyone. I would make a great mom. I know that Love is what a child needs, not toys; I know that discipline is a must, and not the belt on the ass kind; and I know that they need to be taught Respect. I would read to them every night, and tell them I love them always.

9 years ago, my best friend came to me and said, “The worst thing that could ever happen has happened.” She was pregnant. Now I have never been pregnant, but I think it’s pretty safe to say that if you have that kind of attitude when you find out you are having a child, it’s going to filter on down into your parenting a bit. Granted, and unexpected pregnancy is not usually the first thing every 21 year old wants, but you know, sometimes you have to go with the flow. Abortion for her (or me) was never an option, as we were raised very strictly Baptist, and all Life is sacred. I told her once that if she didn’t want to keep her baby, I would  adopt him. She ended up keeping him, and he’s turned out to be a pretty great kid, though it’s helped that he has had a bounty of familial support.  It seems to me the people who aren’t looking to have kids are the very ones who end up with them, and those couples that are trying so desperately have none. Is that God’s way of  showing who’s in charge, I wonder?

My boyfriend is a prime example. His child is a product of a Fuck-Buddy/ relationship that went awry. In his words: “She trapped me.” Fortuneately, he stepped up and refused to be a Bum father, ‘cuz he’s a Good Guy. Alas, it is still slightly apparent that fatherhood was not his ambition in life. His daughter who is now 9, truly is the apple of his eye, and she is more important to him than I will ever be. (Which is the way it should be.) But he definitely still likes his Alone Time. Let me just say, Yay to all you step-moms that are not coined Evil. First, helping to raise a child that is partially grown is tough when you weren’t there the first 7 years. Add in the fact that that child is a Girl, who is quite sassy, and you will understand my wanting to stab myself in the head some weekends. The agreeance on parenting is still being worked out…

Being as I love my Rockstar and have no intentions of looking for a new beau, I asked him what his thoughts were on trying to knock me up someday. The chances are slim, and I have heard that men don’t change their minds. He has stated that he is kinda old and hasn’t the energy. So, the question is, do I throw away the chances of ever holding a babe of my own in my arms, of training up a Child in the way he should go, of leaving a little piece of me when I die, for Love? I have to admit, the thought makes my eyesight blurry. However, I HAVE come to realize that I like my Alone Time, and not being “tied down” with a kid has it’s advantages , I suppose. So I ask, as I do not regret the things I’ve done, will I regret the things that I will NOT have done?

4 Comments

Filed under Children, Life, Love, Uncategorized

4 responses to “Children are our future??

  1. This is the reason me and the BF are not engaged yet. Sad Face.

  2. One of my former bosses whom I am still close with never had the chance to have children and she still regrets it to this day. If it’s something that’s very dear to your heart, you may have to decide if it’s worth the difficult discussion with your Rockstar that may break or make the relationship. The BF was very against children when we first met, but after my bringing it up every now and then and commenting on other children and him seeing me with other kids he has become more acceptable to the idea.

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