Daily Archives: September 25, 2011

Must There Be Chunks?!


I don’t know about you, but I prefer my beverages without floaties. I’m not really sure why ANYONE would wish to have chunks in a drink. So perhaps this is why I am utterly baffled that the mocha I order from Caribou Coffee comes with pieces of Snickers on top. What if someone choked? Wouldn’t there be a lawsuit? You would think that this company would take very precaution to keep something of that nature from happening. But apparently, until they realize how dangerous a piece of chocolatey peanutness going down someone’s throat could be, I shall have to order my drink WITHOUT snickers.

It is my own little tradition that I stop at Caribou on my way to church every Sunday. The hour long drive compels me to have something to sip on. So when I stop at the same Caribou Coffee every Sunday, at the same time EVERY Sunday, you would think they would get used to hearing, “No, I do not wish for a fresh breakfast sandwich. I would like a Large Turtle Mocha with milk chocolate, extra hot, and NO Snickers.” The obnoxious question that follows, “Would you like a muffin from our bakery or something else?” makes me want to pulverize the speaker box and scream, “NO! IF I WANTED ANYTHING ELSE I WOULD HAVE ORDERED SOMETHING ELSE!” But what irks me more than anything is when I am looking forward to that first titillating sip of whip cream and coffeeness that almost induces sexual climax, and instead, my orgasmic state IS INTERRUPTED BY THE CHUNKS OF PEANUT THAT I SPECIFICALLY ASKED NOT TO HAVE. Seriously?! Perhaps Caribou should hire individuals who are NOT imbeciles. I realize that everyone makes mistakes, but when it consistently happens EVERY Sunday. I believe that the people working are truly just fucking stupid. I know what you’re thinking, “Why don’t you go back and say something, or go to a different Caribou.” These are valid questions, to which I will answer- “Why should I have to pay $5 for a coffee, and then go out of my way to complain when the frickin’ asstards that screwed it up in the first place are just too busy yapping to each other?” I just can’t even talk about this anymore, it makes me so incensed I have to be done right now. Goodbye.

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