Must There Be Chunks?!

I don’t know about you, but I prefer my beverages without floaties. I’m not really sure why ANYONE would wish to have chunks in a drink. So perhaps this is why I am utterly baffled that the mocha I order from Caribou Coffee comes with pieces of Snickers on top. What if someone choked? Wouldn’t there be a lawsuit? You would think that this company would take very precaution to keep something of that nature from happening. But apparently, until they realize how dangerous a piece of chocolatey peanutness going down someone’s throat could be, I shall have to order my drink WITHOUT snickers.

It is my own little tradition that I stop at Caribou on my way to church every Sunday. The hour long drive compels me to have something to sip on. So when I stop at the same Caribou Coffee every Sunday, at the same time EVERY Sunday, you would think they would get used to hearing, “No, I do not wish for a fresh breakfast sandwich. I would like a Large Turtle Mocha with milk chocolate, extra hot, and NO Snickers.” The obnoxious question that follows, “Would you like a muffin from our bakery or something else?” makes me want to pulverize the speaker box and scream, “NO! IF I WANTED ANYTHING ELSE I WOULD HAVE ORDERED SOMETHING ELSE!” But what irks me more than anything is when I am looking forward to that first titillating sip of whip cream and coffeeness that almost induces sexual climax, and instead, my orgasmic state IS INTERRUPTED BY THE CHUNKS OF PEANUT THAT I SPECIFICALLY ASKED NOT TO HAVE. Seriously?! Perhaps Caribou should hire individuals who are NOT imbeciles. I realize that everyone makes mistakes, but when it consistently happens EVERY Sunday. I believe that the people working are truly just fucking stupid. I know what you’re thinking, “Why don’t you go back and say something, or go to a different Caribou.” These are valid questions, to which I will answer- “Why should I have to pay $5 for a coffee, and then go out of my way to complain when the frickin’ asstards that screwed it up in the first place are just too busy yapping to each other?” I just can’t even talk about this anymore, it makes me so incensed I have to be done right now. Goodbye.


Filed under Food, Humor, Life, Uncategorized

13 responses to “Must There Be Chunks?!

  1. It’s like tea cept with these scrumptious little berries at the bottom. Mmm.

  2. I love bubble tea! Minnesota is lame though and doesn’t manufacture this wonderful little drink. Well at least not where we live. I think the cities probably have some wondeful hole in the wall cafe’s that do…hmmm I should check into that. I also agree that chunks should not be in coffee. Icecream, yes. Coffee–no. I hate drive throughs. They always mess up my order so I take the time to go in and stare at them in the face to make sure they are listening.

  3. Scarlett DuBois

    I strongly dislike beverages with chunks. The one that really grinds my gears is the Fruit2Day drinks with fruit bits. I either want a fruity drink, or a fruit cup. I’m a black and white kind of gal (sometimes).

  4. Does ice count as chunks?

    Just askin….

  5. I’m personally baffled on the whole notion that coffee needs to be fancied up a-la Starbucks… I’d like mine hot and black. Period. And under 50 cents a cup if I’m buying in public. Otherwise, coffee+water+machine+button push = happy.

  6. Strangest look I ever got was walking into a Borders(insert favorite bankruptcy joke here) and ordered a coffee flavored coffee. The girl behind the counter asked me, “if I wanted a splash of vanilla in that”.

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