Daily Archives: September 30, 2011

Thought # 3


I know it’s not very nice to say, but why is every chinless person accompanied by a excessively irritating attitude?

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A Chance To Dress Up


I have decided to post twice today, as I will be gone this weekend, and so I know you will miss me.

It is a grand tradition at my Rockstar’s work to have an annual Holiday Party. In past years, the party has been accompanied by a hefty bonus check for each employee. Sadly, in the last few years, the bonus has been replaced with a better Holiday Party and fishing shirts embroidered with the company logo. This may be the reason why my Rockstar is so bitter about about this year’s festivities. I shall elaborate…

The boss decided to have the party early this year, so next week, he is paying for an all-inclusive night at a bed-and-breakfast, complete with a Mystery Dinner for all his employees. (I believe this is at least partly because he doesn’t want my drunken crazy self anywhere near his house like last year.) When my Rockstar found out, he came home and slammed his lunchbox down and said, “Look at this stupid bull-shit he’s got planned.” I read the brochure, and being the up-beat, fly-by-my-seat gal that I am, exclaimed what fun it would be. My Rockstar said we weren’t going. I was sad.

A while later, he told me he had, in fact, signed us up to go. I was ecstatic, as any excuse to wear heels NOT to work is cause to celebrate. I asked what I should wear, and my Rockstar, knowing me as he does, to;d me, “You don’t have to dress like a prom queen.” Boo.

A week ago, we received invitations suggesting attire. I have been selected to play a bookish Agatha Christie- type, and was told to wear a long flowing dress. As I, like any other girl, looked into my closet and saw nothing to wear, I went to the store and found a last-year’s prom dress for $10. What luck! I brought it home and swished it around excitedly for my Rockstar. His response? “I already told you not to dress up.”

Now dressing the part is not mandatory, but if you get the chance, why wouldn’t you? In the least, I would have expected him to be thrilled to show off his much-younger girlfriend (me) in a long flowy gown complete with DDD’s. Wouldn’t you? So the question is, do I be the fun, fashionable girl I am and wear my fabulous dress when it sounds like most people AREN”T dressing up?

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Ode To Christopher Meloni


Oh, sweet and uber-sexy bald man,

I, for some reason, find your middle-aged, still- buff self completely magnificent. Perhaps it is the fact that you are so invincible in the character of Eliot Stabler on Law and Order SVU. So many nights of mine have been devoted to watching SVU marathons on the USA network, just to catch a glimpse of your seductive scowl. I just want to say, you may cuff me and have your way any time. One episode in particular (which included a scene with you sans shirt) will forever be burned into my brain as the episode that sparked my much-appreciated Chris Meloni wet dream. (Hallelujah!)

I do not only appreciate you as Eliot; no- I appreciated the many delicious ass-shots the HBO show Oz supplied to me to further boost my obsession. I was, however, a bit disappointed the writers had your character in love with a man in that show…

My ardor was some-what disgruntled after seeing your bizarre performance as the fridge-humping cook in Wet Hot American Summer . (A not-well thought out career choice.)

The flame of my passion for you was further fueled when you played the single father to an almost-zombie girl in the movie Carriers.

Just the thought of your alluring Man Presence sends shivers straight to my secret places. Perhaps in the future, you will trade in your Amazon of a wife for a short girl with DDD’s? I can only hope. XOXO

P.S. If any bloggers know Chris personally, feel free to let him know that sparklebumpsthebookwhore pines for him endlessly; and that I have a pair of panties for him.

P.P.S. This ode is for humorous blogging purposes only, and no Meloni was stalked in the writing of it. However, the words in this post are completely true, and I find Chris utterly scrumptious.

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