Team Member Assessment

Happy Thursday, my Lovelys! Thanks for all the birthday wishes! It was a perfect day filled with pizza, peach schnapps, sex, Chris Meloni,  (unfortunately the 2 previous were not intermingled) and getting hired as a Pizza Slut. Yes, I am now privileged employee of Pizza Hut- I think because I told my new boss Christophe (I believe him to be Yugoslavian, perhaps) that if he wanted to call me he’d have to call the bookstore because I am too poor to pay my phone bill. (Tricksy, ain’t I?) So, yay me! Tonite I have orientation. Before I was interviewed, though, I had to fill out a Team Member Assessment Survey. Let me just give you my opinion of those…

Team Member Assessment: Def. A little form businesses that are chains have come up with to weed out the nuts and/or  imbecilic potential employees. Similiar to a multiple choice test; the answers being Strongly Agree, Agree, Neutral, Disagree, and Strongly Disagree. (I believe you have to be a complete ‘tard not to be able to pass one of these.)

So one of the questions on my little assessment sheet : “I find it acceptable to take small amounts of money from the register when I don’t feel I am getting paid enough.” I don’t know what kind of moron would actually mark “”Strongly Agree” or even less passionately “Agree”. If you are trying to get a job, I don’t think it’s a good idea to tell your potential employer you plan on stealing. I don’t really know what else to say about that.

Another question: “If I have a disagreement with a co-worker, I try to resolve it in a fair and pleasant manner.” As much as I wanted to put a side-note on this one stating, “When I disagree with a co-worker, the bastard better keep the fuck outta my way, or they may find me behind their car when they leave and obtain the beating that’s coming to them.” However, I decided a friendly approach would better suit.

Question #3: “When I see a co-worker doing something the wrong way, I

A.Tell them they are doing it wrong.

B.Tell my manager.

C.Fix it myself.

D.Complain to other co-workers about it.

This one I may have gotten wrong, because I chose all of the above.

Question #4: “When a new employee is hired, I

A.Try to get them involved in team activities.

B.Invite them to join me outside of work.

C.Ignore them.

D. Gossip with them.”

This was another tricky one. I will admit, I am not exactly a team player. I tend to do things myself so I know they are done right. But A. seemed to be the answer they were likely looking for. If I don’t like someone, chances are that I will NOT be inviting them to join me outside of work, I will most likely ignore them, and I will be gossiping ABOUT them.

So, obviously I passed my assessment, though how close I was to failing I guess we’ll never know. But when most of the questions pertain to stealing from the company, I don’t know how someone could NOT pass. I WILL say that I am an excellent worker that gets annoyed with dumbshits that can’t do their jobs. I don’t know if that qualifies me as a team player.



Filed under Humor, Life, Money, Uncategorized, Work

4 responses to “Team Member Assessment

  1. Ok so can you get me free pizza? Can repay you in whatever methods you demand. Also, this is funny because “Pizza Slut” is what I always call that franchise in general.

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