So my Rockstar’s daughter doesn’t like to read. If you know anything about me, you will realize what a tragedy this is. Anyway, I wrote a story about her, hoping maybe she would get into reading. Sadly, since I didn’t include pictures, she wasn’t interested. Since I have nothing of import to post today, I shall let you all read it.
Last Wednesday, Emily Madison awoke with a jump
and she sat up real quick,
because she heard a great THUMP.
And she felt it too!
For there on her head,
all lumpy and warty,
sat a toad, calm as could be,
acting as though her head was some kind of party.
She opened her mouth to let out a yell
and you never would guess what happened!
Well, a bird flew right in there!
It’s true! I swear!
That bird flew right into her mouth without care.
Now, I have never woke up
with a toad on my head;
neither have I had a bird in my mouth while
I’m sitting in bed.
But I can imagine it would be quite hard to say,
“Help me!” or “What’s this?”
or something like, “Hey!”
Emily Madison, she huffed and she puffed,
but the only thing that even almost came out was, “MMMPPFF!”
That bird in her mouth was stuck in there good.
And the toad on her head wasn’t going anywhere, too.
So, Emily Madison thought hard as she could, and I must say, with the toad and the bird, that wasn’t easy to do!
She thought harder and harder, ’til her thinker was blue,
What could she; what couldn’t she; oh! what would she do?!
If she went off to school with this toad and this bird,
everyone there would think her simply absurd!
And really, that bird wasn’t tasting so great.
When it’s feathers tickled her nose, she gave her head a small shake,
and then, THEN…. “A-A-A-CHOOOOO!”
She sneezed. Then BOTH the bird and the toad flew!
With a PLA-PLA-PLA-PLOOEY!
Emily spit out a feather, and screamed at the top of her voice,
“Well, I NEVER!!!!!!”
Emily Madison never did quite know why
that morning that toad and that bird had stopped by.
But from that morning on, when she got tucked in at night-
She put on a hat, and she shut her mouth TIGHT!
THE END
Sparklebumpsthebookwhore 
I also think you should write children’s books. This was wonderful!
There’s just so much to write!!!
(Insert sound of applause.)
(Insert Elvis voice) Thank you. Thank you very much.
This is a great story – you should read it to her, which will brighten her interest, & she’ll probably leaf through your tale when you’re gone. It’s lovely!
She doesn’t like to be read to- God knows I’ve tried!
Love this. I think you should write children’s books. I honestly believe you would make an amazing children’s writer. Career upgrade, I think.
Thank you! I HAVE thought of it… I guess I don’t really know what’s stopping me.
She’ll come around. I wrote a book that my kids wouldn’t read either. Junior said I needed to make it a movie then he’d watch the shit out of it. That’s when I shut the satellite down and threw the book in his lap. He’s read it now.
Her favorite thing to say is”Can I watch Netflix? I hate it.
Awww, this is such a cute story you wrote for her! That is such a bummer that she didn’t read it, especially since I think you did such a good job at it too. When I was a kid I always wanted people to read to me, but they thought I was a little too ‘slow’ to understand it so I never got read to. Now, I love books, but as a kid I wasn’t a huge fan of them and would pick the books with the least amount of pages to read.
Yes, I feel sad because she’s 9 and can’t read very well, and I have mountains of books for kids, but she wants nothing to do with them. I try to lead by example…she always wants to know what I’m reading.