Yes, my lovely bloggy people, I have just been fired this morning from my dream job, at the bookstore. The reason for this tragedy rests solely on this blog, and the fact that people have no sense of humor.
I got to work this morning to find The Boss, and The Bigger Boss, or the Owner of the store, both there. This was a strange thing to see, as the owner has much more important things to do at his other store that to screw around with us little people at the mall store.
“First of all, ” he began, “tell me about your blog.”
Aww, shit. Now I will readily admit that I have done nothing to hide the fact that I have a blog- in fact, I do believe my witty posts would BRING IN customers if they were to read them, just so they would have a chance to interact with Sparklebumps. I, however, didn’t really want The Boss to know of it, since I have spent some time on the subject of his utter idiocy. I didn’t quite know exactly what it was the Owner was looking for in response, so I decided it wise to remain silent.
“I’m fine with you having a blog, but yesterday I had a handi-capped customer come in and tell me about it, and I’m not going to say that they were freaking out, but yeah, pretty much. They mentioned something about you complaining about customers, and they were very offended because they thought you were speaking about them. Now I don’t know if you were, but i can’t have you work here anymore because there’s a possibility that you and or I could get sued if this continues. It would have been different if it was anonymous, but when you start posting pictures, then it becomes a problem.”
Well, I didn’t even get a chance to say “Take this job and shove it.” Piss me off.
I would like to take this chance to thank those who attributed to my termination.
To that handi-capped customer: You know who you are. I do not know which offense it was that so disturbed you, (as I have offended MANY MANY people, I’m sure) and I apologize for any distress I may have caused. Now that that’s done, I will give offense to you ON PURPOSE. Screw you, you selfish bastard- my blog isn’t all about you, it’s about me, and nobody tunes in so they can read about you. So there.
Boss: I know you will be waiting with baited breath to read what I have to say about this whole thing. so here you go- I feel sorry for your hermit-like existance. You have no friends because you lack a personality, and you feel the need to judge people who have different beliefs than you, even though they are the ones who put up with all your bullshit and are willing to ignore it. Your wife is in-attentive because of this, and you will find out that it’s not going to get any better. Get a frickin’ life.
BrainRants: I loves ya, dude. Thank you for inspiring me to post of picture of myself, which is what probably got me fired. I’m not pissed, because it’s my own dumb fault. Your freshly pressed fame has led to my own fame, which I do not regret.
Owner of my Bookstore: Thank you for the lovely years I was allowed to work in the paradise of books. I hope you realize how many customers you will lose because I’m not there, and how many more employees you will lose because of The Boss and his inability to edit his sexual thoughts. I hope the Soup Girl works out for you- though you will have your hands full.
Tra-la-la. That’s all I have to say about that. My biggest sadness is that I will not get a discount for the $600 worth of books I had stashed away at the store. XOXO