I’ve Had A Dream

In typical Sparklebumps fashion, I completely forgot to mention a little dream I had last week. Of course, the distraction from getting fired may have had something to do with it.

Let me fill you in on a bit of my dream history.

When I was 4 and 5, I had a recurring dream that freaked the piss out of me for some unknown reason.

I would dream I would hear music coming from the basement of my house (which was a house we didn’t live in) and I would go down to investigate. On some occasions, in my dream, my mom would come down the stairs smoking a cigarette and carry me back up to bed. Other times, in my dream, I would follow the music down a long hallway that had a flickering light at the end of it. I never did get to the end of the hallway.

When I was perhaps 7, I dreamed that my mom and I were running away from a man who had just escaped prison, and we hid in an abandoned mechanic shop that was in the middle of a field. The man found us and poked my mom’s eye out with a board.  When I awoke, I rushed to my mother and confirmed that both her eyeballs were in their sockets.

I have had good dreams, as well, but they seem much more un-interesting, so I will not share them at this time.

When I worked at a day-program for mentally handi-capped people, I had a dream that I was pregnant with triplets, which I delivered amidst the probing eyes of the clients I worked with. The building we were in then started on fire (because labor always brings on a fire) and I rushed to the bathroom with my babies. The bathroom transported me to a swamp that was infested with hungry crocodiles, which tried unsuccessfully to eat my new babies. I screamed at the crocs,”Get away from my babies, you fuckers!”

Another baby dream I had while I was married that was quite entertaining: I dreamed I went to a Baptist college that many of my friends have gone to, and I got kicked out because I had diahrrea of the mouth and went running up and down the halls cursing. I then found myself in the middle of a series of cornfields, being hunted down by military helicopters intent on blowing me into tiny pieces for this infraction. I escaped into a falling down farmhouse that seemed secure, and proceeded to have a baby boy (even though I don’t remember being pregnant) and as I sat rocking my new babe, he looked up at me and said, “Don’t worry, mommy, I won’t grow up to be a Republican.” This did NOT amuse my then-husband, as he and his entire family WERE Republican, and essentially treated  Election Day as a national holiday.

So, like what happens to many other people, the details of the dream I had last week faded from my mind upon awaking, however, I remember the gist of it.

I was having dinner at a nice restaurant with Country music stars Jason Aldean (whom I don’t especially find attractive), Eric Church (whom I also do not find attractive, but sings my favorite song at the moment Drink in my Hand), Luke Bryan (who I believe to be the the most legitimate hick of all time- HELLO! he actually says WARSH instead of WASH in a song), and another current male country singer who was devoid of a face. (which seems to happen in dreams alot) I was just kickin’ back with the boys, confabulating about hot chics and other important Man Topics, when the waitress brought our food. The following occurrence that happened in my dream is eerily accurate to real life: each of the guys asked if they could have a french fry from my plate, and I proceeded to become hysterical at the thought that they would DARE suggest such a thing. I then swooped down on them all and thieved all of their dinners from them.

What can I say- who can be bothered with famous men when there are french fries to be had?