Happy November, my Lovelys! I have decided that this day shall hereafter be proclaimed a worldwide Sparklebumps holiday, along with the day after Thanksgiving, the Saturday before Halloween, and my birthday. Today shall be called Half-Off Candy Day. Yes, I no longer shall feel bitter about the diminutive bowl of candy that my Rockstar nefariously stole from me, AFTER I stole it from his work party, because I have just come from the Aisles of Target, where all Halloween candy has been marked down for my convenience.
I was going to attempt a trip to Walmart, since their Aisle of Candy dwarfs any other retail store’s, but I was not fully prepared to have my eyes assaulted by Walmartians today. So off to Target I went, where customers of every ilk were zooming the Halloween aisles, preparing for next year’s Monster Bashes. I weasled my way through carts with squalling babes, and old women sorting through the pumpkin-shaped cookie cutters, to procure exactly 7 bags of the best and most saliva-inducing treats. I realized that I should have gotten a cart, or at least one of those annoying little basket things that weigh a ton after you have placed one item in them.
I was slightly flustered by the Halloween Edition Barbie that my eyes beheld, as the box she was in proclaimed “HALLOWEEN TREAT! BARBIE”. I looked closer and saw no candy included with Barb; the only “treat” I could almost see was the one that was beneath her disturbingly short puff skirt- this is a time when I am gladdened that Barbie is not quite anatomically correct. However, I feel that they should have placed Barbie’s treat in the Man Aisle, because any woman who would buy for her kid a Barbie that was dressed to turn tricks should be shot.
Anyhoo, as I made my way to the front of the store, with my arms laden down with my sugary loot, I noticed people staring. I’m not sure if it was my greasy hair that I didn’t have time to wash before going to town, or the fact that I was carrying enough candy to feed Australia. But I raised my chin up in an act of defiance at their judgemental stares, and proceeded to the checkout, where I received the same look from the girl behind the counter. I said, “What? I like candy. And this is just enough for me. If I had to share, there would be more.”
P.S. My Rockstar has let me know that he does not wish to know the amount of candy I bought.
I LOVE REESES and PEPPERMINT PATTIES and anything with CARAMEL in it cept Twix cause those make me sick.
Twix are my Rockstar’s favorite.
pigged out on my candy after getting depressing news from a guy…awkward.
Oh 😦 What news?
Thanks for the tip. Leaving for Target right now. Just tried Baby Ruth’s for first time last night. Didn’t know what I was missing.
Oh my gosh! You were missing alot! Also, make sure to get some Take 5’s. They are really the best thing ever!
I am gently typing this, as the sound of the keys alone are enough to bring on a post Halloween sugar induced hangover.
🙂 I thought you were a healthy eater? I figured I deserved to trick-or-treat in the candy aisle since I didn’t get to share any of the loot last night…
Halloween is the one day I let myself go off the wagon. Last night I LEAPT off.
Oh, good. I was beginning to think you were practically perfect in every way.
No, that would be you. 🙂
I’m blushing. 🙂 Let us just say that we are both pretty much Awesome Incarnate.
You know, if you ever wanted to ditch that pizza gig I bet we could make beaucoup bucks as a sort of…team. I bet we could get my girl Megan to get us some overseas work too. Think about it. 😉
Anytime! I’m up for anything anywhere. 🙂
As far as I’m concerned, you can have the Reeses.
Ok, you may have the Snickers. I didn’t want them, but they came in a bag with the good stuff…