The following is a public service announcement asking the world to stop the madness that is Taylor Swift fandom.
Taylor Swift should be applauded, for she is an insidious genius. She has taken her vocal range of six notes and applied it to a plethora of obnoxious songs that appeal to teeny-boppers everywhere. Where would the world be without the aggravating sounds of Taylor informing us that she lost her virginity at Fifteen, while listening to Tim McGraw? I will tell you. We would be in a far superior musical place.
I entreat all readers to shut OFF their radios, until the radio stations quit playing You Belong With Me, because I hate to be the one to break it to you, Taylor, but you belong anywhere that is far from me, with a piece of duct tape over your mouth. The fact that you have deviously brainwashed all radio stations to play your songs incessently makes me cry Teardrops On My Guitar nightly.
Taylor’s exertions to deceive young girls that Today is a Fairytale makes her as guilty as Disney. I would like to here her explanation to the pre-teens who grow up and find that there is most likely NOT a white dress involved, instead, there is a good chance they will be shopping for diapers in maternity clothes by the time they are 16 because they have looked up to her, and decided it’s ok to have sex at Fifteen because Taylor did. Shame on you, Taylor.
I believe we also should rid ourselves of the clusterfuck that is Taylor’s face. I don’t know about you, but every time I see her on a magazine cover, I think ,”There’s Another Picture To Burn.” To all you teenage boys obsessed I say: I’m sure you would be able to find a much lovelier face and body to masturbate to if you just LOOK AWAY!
No, I do not believe that we need to hear any more of Taylor’s Love Storys, because, let’s face it. The girl is 21. The only thing she has experienced is premature ejaculation and cookie crumbs in bed. If we must endure one more Story of Us– like song, I believe our brains will implode and people will be walking around with brain matter oozing out of their ears.
To the record label that so unwittingly unleashed the Taylor Beast, I have only one thing to say, “You Should’ve Said No.”
22 responses to “A P.S.A. for Taylor Swift Fans”
I am beginning to like her. Maybe because I like her song Your’e so Mean. I wish it was around while I was married to Don. He couldn’t argue with the record player, yea I’m really dating myself. But I would be blasting it all the time!
That song is one of hers that isn’y SO bad, but all the other ones still annoy me so!
I say we clone a new Johnny Cash from his DNA. That would fix stuff in general.
I miss Johnny! 😦 HE was awesomesauce.
Excellent post! I think you might be my soul mate. I live in Nashville and I had my fill of Saint Taylor a LONG time ago. Her Daddy bought her career and she needs to take a vacation.
I LOVE YOU.
Today’s popular music has the tendency to suck, in my humble but right opinion. I don’t need another song about true love and eternal love and the best love ever. It’s just a way to make people feel depressed about their sucky love life. It’s a way to destroy innocent young souls. Poor us.
Exactly my point. Or, if they must sing about true love, at least make it appealing to listen to.
She simply took up the mantle started a million years ago by people like Connie Francis and Brenda Lee, then perpetuated in every era since that time by someone younger and newer.
If she doesn’t evolve she will eventually fade away and become a trivia question. Even if she matures and her music grows she will lose that young audience she currently holds tight in her fist. No singer can sustain a career constantly trying to appeal to 12 year olds. Frankly, there comes a point when it just doesn’t wash with the 12 year olds. It sounds as if she’s trying to make that transistion and still has a lot of work to do. Time will tell how well it works out for her.
So don’t fret, eventually the world will right itself and if Taylor Swift remains in the musical landscape it will be because she’s evolved. If doesn’t evolve you’ll hear, “I’ll take Early 21st Century Singers for $400, Alex.”
Even if her lyrics evolve, her sucky voice won’t.
Come on now, Taylor Swift has nothing on Connie Francis. She was awesomesauce.
loveeeed her when she first started with her songs like “Tim McGraw” and “Fifteen”…but now she’s just ridiculous. she’s NOT country, she’s tweenybop! ughhhhh so annoying.
THANK YOU! I’m glad another young’un is on my side. 🙂 I admit, there was ONE song of hers that I liked…
As an English person I am quite sheltered from Taylor, only one of her songs was a hit here!! Another reason to live here ahaha!!
I’m coming over right now!
Plus who are the “Kardashians” 😉
The same to the Kardashians.
YES!!! That should be my next one.
The same to Miley Cyrus. (Even though her voice has improved…she’s still as irritating as a fly on the wall.)
Yes! At least she isn’t quite as horrifying to look at… if she keeps her mouth closed.