If You Pay Me, I Will Be Professional

So, a few of my fellow bloggery people have posted rants about the spam they have accrued on this website. This is another one of those posts.

I realize that spam is garbage and that it shouldn’t matter what it has to say, but I can, at times, be excessively-emotional. THIS-“reat article and straight to the point. I am not sure if this is in fact a good option to ask but do you folks have any thoughts on you’ll be able to hire some professional writers? Thanks” fuckin’ pissed me right off.

I refuse to post the web address that this came from, because whatever assbucket sent it does NOT deserve any traffic that I would provide. How DARE this fucktard who cannot even spell “read” ask me to hire a professional writer for my blog!!!!!! This blog is for MY writing pleasure, and for your reading pleasure, and if I wish to spell things wrong, or write in an unprofessional manner, I am allowed to do so, and no cocksucker spammer can stop me! On that note, I admit that I am not the most seasoned writer on this block, but my writing skills are far superior to some horrendously well-known authors (ahem, Stephanie Meyer), which only proves that a ridiculously large paycheck is what makes a professional writer a pro.

To you who sent me this anger-inducing spam, I assure you, this is NOT, in fact, (see there my professional use of commas) a good option to ask a raging histrionic to hire someone else to type the thoughts that are in her head, and you had better be thanking your lucky stars that I am not a spy, because if I was, you would be hunted down and given a righteous beating. (Ooh! I could be a spy! I never thought of that one!) No, I do not entertain any thoughts of hiring some professional writers, so it would probably be in your best interest NEVER to spam me again, since my writing skills are so abhorrently disgusting to you. The only sign that you have a few brain cells left was your comment that I was “Straight to the point.” Let me get straight to the point once more- You can suck my non-existant dick and kiss my sparkly ass, fucker.


Filed under Humor, Life, Uncategorized

8 responses to “If You Pay Me, I Will Be Professional

  1. I have had something similar happen to me. I couldn’t have said it better than you, so I’ll just say, “Thanks for a good post.”

  2. Fucktard, I like that word. Is it short for Fucking Bastard or he’s a Fucking piece of shit, or would that be Fuckterd.

  3. Kana Tyler

    If you did hire someone else to write your blog, you’d have a Reader Revolt on your hands! Who else could deliver the Sparkle? 😉

  4. But tell us, how do you really feel?

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