Daily Archives: November 15, 2011

The Incredibly Talented Hermit Type

Here is my sequal to Joe’s Junk and Other Disturbing Search Terms. I figured I had better address these bizarre search terms before I become buried in them.

Incredibly Talented Hermit Types: Naturally, anyone searching for one of these would be immediately directed to my blog.

Who should I be freinds with: How intelligent of the internet to deliver any friendless beings to me; as I will be able to assist them in their spelling as any good friend would do, as well as be the best friend they will never have.

Strange Mormon Customs: I am assuming this led people seeking info on the Mormon faith to my blog because of my post entitled Story of a Mormon Boy. However, Stories of Mormon Boys and Masturbation as a search term for my site makes more sense, as I do not believe masturbation or posting nudey pics of your butterface girlfriend may technically be considered Mormon customs…

9 yr old girl girl bumps on vagina: this is one of those search terms that delves right into creepiness, which is why it disturbs me so that whoever searched this ended up on my blog. I am unaware of what girl bumps on a vagina would be, but if they are on a 9 yr old girl, this looks like a job for SVU and Chris Meloni- which leads me to….

Naed pics of Chris Meloni: Now I am assuming the individual searching this meant to spell NAKED pics of Chris, or perhaps NEED- which, either way, it makes sense. I certainly need pics of my man Chris on a regular basis, and I would of course never turn down naked ones. This person is my bosom friends. (No, Rants, when I say “Bosom friend”, I do not mean my booby buddy.)

Disney Princess Fuck: I admit, Ariel in the Little Mermaid was one hot piece of tail (Heehee! I am sooo funny!) but any person who wants to fuck a Disney princess is of the lowest, most twisted ilk. Like those guys who say, “Hey! I don’t even have to watch porn!” when they go to the strip clubs in that Playstation game Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. (Sadly, I actually know someone who has said this.) As  of yet, Disney has not approached me with a contract to be their next damsel in distress, and unless they raise their ratings to at least PG-13, I highly doubt they will. In the mean time, these sick twisted bastards will have to be content with reading my blog.

P.S. Have any of you noticed that I am not running out of reasons yet to mention Chris Meloni? 😉


Filed under Children, Entertainment, Friendship, Humor, Life, Uncategorized

What I Have To Say

So, I decided to be a bit less creative today and go with an autotopic that popped out at me. Here it is:

If you had the attention of the entire world for two minutes, what would you say?

Since the idea of being seen by the entire world appeals to my histrionic personality disorder, of course I had to take this topic and run with it. However, since two minutes is not a very long time, I decided I would have to talk very fast in order to get everything I would have to say in. While some of it is perhaps not super profound, I am willing to pass out copies of my speech to the presidents of the world if they are so inclined to strive for world peace. Here we go:

To all women, men, children, trannies, and monsters,

It is my hope that all the people of the world can unite and quit being judgemental cocksuckers. While I do not condone killing, I believe war to be an essential evil, if only to protect innocent people from being murdered. To those of you who do not support War, I urge you to move to a different country where freedom is more easily won. Unfortuneately, you don’t have alot of choices there, do you? I DO wish that everyone could be brought home safe, but by not supporting the war, you are essentially belittling what the men and women of our Armed Forces are giving their lives for, which is just shitty of you.

To all politicians and voters, I believe it would be beneficial to the U.S. to eliminate the parties of Republican and Democrat, because the ridiculousness with which you all conduct yourselves is embarrassing. Being President or Senator are jobs that should be taken seriously, and should NOT be done with the intentions of pursuing your own personal agenda. For this reason , I believe politician should be paid “normal people” wages, so all the greedy fuckerheads would be weeded out and the remaining candidates would be there because they actually CARE about our countries future. On that note, I do not think 2 years of political commercializing is necessary; if you have noticed, everybody knows about Kim Kardashian and that whole clusterfuck, which only took 72 or so days. Politicians just need to hire better publicists.

To those who don’t approve of gays, lesbians, bi- or transgender people I say, unless you have been in their shoes, you cannot judge, and God says to love everybody. They just want to love and be loved, exactly like everybody else, and what people do in their own bedrooms is their OWN business, so why are you making it yours?

To people who don’t read I say. You should really read, because no matter what you read, you will be a little less moronic. You will always learn something from a book, and that’s never a bad thing.

Everyone every day needs to take a moment out of their busy lives and just chill, and notice the beautiful world in which we live. If it’s not beautiful where you live, think of the beautiful people that you know.

The last thing I have to say is love. If you all treat every person you meet like your brother, (assuming that you like your brother) the world will be a better place, so the next time you see someone that needs help, help them if you can. The next time you see someone that needs a hug, hug them, because they might be me. And hugs always make me feel better.

P.S. And something really needs to be done about Taylor Swift.



Filed under Beauty, Books, Entertainment, God, Humor, Life, Love, Money, music, Uncategorized, Work