Here is my sequal to Joe’s Junk and Other Disturbing Search Terms. I figured I had better address these bizarre search terms before I become buried in them.
Incredibly Talented Hermit Types: Naturally, anyone searching for one of these would be immediately directed to my blog.
Who should I be freinds with: How intelligent of the internet to deliver any friendless beings to me; as I will be able to assist them in their spelling as any good friend would do, as well as be the best friend they will never have.
Strange Mormon Customs: I am assuming this led people seeking info on the Mormon faith to my blog because of my post entitled Story of a Mormon Boy. However, Stories of Mormon Boys and Masturbation as a search term for my site makes more sense, as I do not believe masturbation or posting nudey pics of your butterface girlfriend may technically be considered Mormon customs…
9 yr old girl girl bumps on vagina: this is one of those search terms that delves right into creepiness, which is why it disturbs me so that whoever searched this ended up on my blog. I am unaware of what girl bumps on a vagina would be, but if they are on a 9 yr old girl, this looks like a job for SVU and Chris Meloni- which leads me to….
Naed pics of Chris Meloni: Now I am assuming the individual searching this meant to spell NAKED pics of Chris, or perhaps NEED- which, either way, it makes sense. I certainly need pics of my man Chris on a regular basis, and I would of course never turn down naked ones. This person is my bosom friends. (No, Rants, when I say “Bosom friend”, I do not mean my booby buddy.)
Disney Princess Fuck: I admit, Ariel in the Little Mermaid was one hot piece of tail (Heehee! I am sooo funny!) but any person who wants to fuck a Disney princess is of the lowest, most twisted ilk. Like those guys who say, “Hey! I don’t even have to watch porn!” when they go to the strip clubs in that Playstation game Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. (Sadly, I actually know someone who has said this.) As of yet, Disney has not approached me with a contract to be their next damsel in distress, and unless they raise their ratings to at least PG-13, I highly doubt they will. In the mean time, these sick twisted bastards will have to be content with reading my blog.
P.S. Have any of you noticed that I am not running out of reasons yet to mention Chris Meloni? 😉