The Woes of Underpants

Underwear just piss me right off.

To little 15 yr olds: I don’t need to see the ENTIRE string of your v-string under your lowrise jeans. I realize you wish to convey to horny teen boys that you are quite ready to give up your virginity to them (or at least are the kind of girl that will do anything BUT), but there are other ways to let these lucky lucky boys know- like sexting them.

To fat ladies: panty lines under stretchy pants- not good. I understand that any v-string or thong you women would wear in an attempt to fix this disaster would be lost in the folds of excess skin that has settled around your waste, and so, to prevent my eyes from being assaulted by the outline of your granny panties, please cease to wear stretchy pants until further notified of a more favorable solution.

As far as wearing underwear: Thongs- yes, please give me something with which to floss any stray fecal matter from my crack. Bikinis – yes, I realize I have a stellar physique, unfortuneately it does not come complete with hips to hold up bikini undies. And everything else-gets bunchy under my faux leather leggings.

Buying underwear: to Victorias Secret- seriously?! $18 for a piece of string and a triangle of cotton? (Sadly, I fell for this terrible ploy and ended up owing Victoria MANY dollars before I realized I would not look like a model in her underwear) To Walmart: washing a pair of your underwear should not make them disintegrate.

THEREFORE, I claim this day as  Commando Day. HOO- RAH.


Filed under Beauty, Fashion, Humor, Life, Uncategorized

18 responses to “The Woes of Underpants

  1. Great and hilarious blog! I personally love undies 😉 (mine… Not stranger’s. I’m with you on banning stretchy pants for some) What a fantastic little treat all for me– to pick out something fun & sexy to put on under all my clothes. Am I feeling like black lace today? Or bright pink polka dots and matching bra to decorate my curves? As I’m sure you can guess, I too owe VS many dollars.

  2. But I always go comm.. uhm.. nevermind.

    Nice post, Sparkle!

  3. Laundry day is robe day for me! I don’t about commando though, whenever I’ve tried it it is just much more uncomfortable than dealing with underwear. Unless if it’s a thong, those drive me crazy!

  4. Kana Tyler

    Count me in, Commander Commando! 😉

  5. freshest15

    hahahahha this is so true. but at VSPink, it’s 5 for 25$ 😉

  6. Laundry day is commando day. By default.


    Hoo-Ray! For chrissakes they’re called UNDERwear so please wear them UNDER something. Boys and girls, if we can see your UNDERwear you’re not using them right! Waistbands are not a fashion statement any more than cell phones or pagers (remember those?)! Furthermore, laundry-day or not, black underwear underneath white clothing should never be tolerated. Finally, Underoos are not sexy … if your underwear has cartoons on it, chances are you sleep alone at night. Happy Commando Day!

  8. I love underwear … French Knickers

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