I found this little blog post floating around in google land and wanted to give it it’s proper due. It had me laughing so hard I almost pissed myself. I think the Alliance will agree. 🙂 http://iloveboobies.us/other-items/the-meeting-of-the-bloggersalliance/
Somewhere in the outskirts of Kansas at a compound designated by Brainrants, the Bloggers Alliance gathers for their general meeting. in attendance is Edward Hotspur, Lifeinthefarcelane, Sparklebumps, Verynormal, Tinkerbelle, Sandylikeabeach, Imonthebandwagon guys, Sightesnbytes and Kayjai. Kayjai allows Archon to join, but warned him to keep his Newfie slurs to himself, or the Beiber tirade will emerge. He sits quietly, dispensing the beer. Brainrants takes the helm as the designated Chairperson. He’s the one that drives the tank, after all.
Brainrants: okay, people let’s get this show on the road. I need a minute taker. Who wants the job?
Rants surveys the room and waits for someone to volunteer. the group is situated at a big round table in a shed out in the wilderness. as Rants waits, Sparklebumps removes a stiletto, inspecting the damage from walking in the soft ground to access the shed. Imonthebandwagon guys are taking way too much time discussing the night’s gig and Tinkerbelle is incessantly chatting to Verynormal about America and their trip to Disneyworld the following morning. the rest of the group looks around at each other, no one volunteering for the job.
Rants: People! Come on we have a lot to discuss! Hotspur! Where’s Hellis?!
Edward Hotspur who conspicuously places a recording device in the centre of the table looks up at Rants, stunned by his being centered out so early in the meeting.
Hotspur: how the crap should I know?! Uh, late?
Rants: Don’t get snippy, Hotspur. It’s not you! Sparkle, where’s Hellis?
Sparkle looks up at Rants and gives him a smile and a wink.
Sparkle: Oh, come on Rantsy she’s just late. give her a break, will ya? Maybe Junior tried to punk the VP and got caught, or she’s doing a book tour or she’s trying to find some SPaM material…
Just then, Hellis storms in with her hair disheveled and her boots caked in mud.
Hellis: Hey! sorry, I’m late but this place is farther out than my place! Rants! What are you doing with those tires? want me to stack them and organize them for you?
Kayjai: Oh, God. just don’t ask him if he wants you to do his laundry for him. He apparently HATES other people doing his laundry. If there’s anything…
Kayjai: What? It’s true…what? you gonna make me do pushups or something?
Rants: *pointing to the ground* 25!
Kayjai: Hahahaha…shit! You’re shitting me, right?! Ugh… okay. *drops down on knees and begins pushups*
Rants: Hey! This ain’t the Canadian Army, KJ! Full pushups! Not wimpy-assed ones. go!
Kayjai moans and begins full pushups mumbling under her breath about keeping her mouth shut and wishing she had begun her Crossfit training with HWSNBN.
Rants turns to Hellis: And, no thanks. I can stack my own tires.
Hellis: you gonna make her do all those now? *asks while pointing to Kayjai*
Rants: no, but it’s kinda fun watching her try.
Kayjai: Hello! Tired Canadian here! Hellis! Pass me a beer will ya?
Hellis throws KJ a beer as she takes her seat beside Lifeinthefarcelane, who tells Hellis about her date the night before with a handsome billionaire. Sandyonthebeach takes out a writing pad and begins scribbling and Sightsnbytes gives her some bottled moose to try. She politely declines and suggests he try her cucumber sandwiches and coconut cake, instead.
Rants: okay, let’s get started. Hotspur, I’m assuming by that recording device on my table that is the instrument by which you plan to use to transcribe said meeting.
Hotspur: Yeah..as usual. I transcribe all my shit. And I mean all of it. Not just some of it, all of it. And by shit I don’t just mean…
Rants: okay, Hotspur. I got the picture. you can record it, but burn it after you transcribe. I don’t want any blogger-gate tapes floating around the internet. Kayjai…get off the goddamned floor, please.
Kayjai: okay, but can I have a turn at driving the tank?
Kayjai: Oh, come on. just a little jaunt around the tires?
Rants: There’s no such thing as a ‘little jaunt’ in a tank, KJ. And no. just no.
Kayjai: Shit. I tried.
Kayjai gets up with beer in hand and takes a seat wearyingly beside Archon. She gives him the secret Canadian hand signal and he immediately jumps up and gets her another cold beer. She smiles.
Rants: okay, I think we can all agree we’ve had our daily dealings with fuckwits, asshats, fucktards, and shitheads, but there’s always more dickweeds to make fun of. I think we should continue with that line. as for political correctness, can we all agree that shit is a fucking waste of time?
The group nods in agreement.
Hellis: I think we should all agree that the fuckwits that run things are getting in our way.
The group listens. then from the corner, giggling can be heard.
Rants: Verynormal, what’s so funny?
Verynormal: So sorry. Jowett and Mike are making fun.
Jowett: sorry, mate. Mike here has some issues with the term “monkey-boy”.
Hotspur: I mentioned that in one of my posts…
Mike: Yeah, mate. funny shit.
Mike winks at verynormal who winks back.
Hellis: SHE’S 18!!!!!!!
The group stares in amazement at the outburst.
Hellis: I’m just sayin’….
Verynormal: I have a boyfriend….Ben…he’s sooo…
Rants: okay, sorry to interrupt, but we need to wrap this up.
Sparklebumps: okay, everybody so we’re just continuing with our shit and keeping up with the sarcasm, wit and general fucking around that we all think is funny. Generally, boobs rule. Gotcha.
Rants: I love boobies….
Hellis: Yeah…we got that.
Rants: okay, meeting adjourned. everyone remember to meet back here in another month. Hellis do you need any assistance reaching the handle to the door?
Hellis: That’s fucking hilarious, Rants. Oh, look what I found! Keys…I wonder to what? Maybe the tank that’s sitting out back?
Hotspur: I call shotgun!
Rants: There’s no ‘shotgun’ position in a tank, Hotspur and Hellis is NOT driving it!
Hellis: like shit, I’m not! you have to catch me first!
She explodes out the door as the group follows her, watching her race to get inside the tank. Rants stays behind and clears the table.
Rants to himself: She can’t reach the fucking door….
I’d like to thank all my blogging friends for allowing me to poke fun and maybe share a laugh. You guys rock!
Brought to you by Shaney jo Darden and I Love Boobies. You are too funny girl.