Female 5 o’Clock Shadow

To all of those who read my blog, you are well aware that I bask in the glory of being a woman. I love sparkles, and pink, and makeup, and heels. I take advantage of having boobies whenever the opportunity is afforded me.  That being said, I have one ginormous gripe about being a woman. The expectancy of shaven legs.

I fucking hate it. I think that shaving my legs is the biggest waste of time. When I add up in my head of how many dollars I have spent on razors, shaving gel, etc., I become so enraged that there is an immediate threat of fatal razor laceration to anyone who is near.

Since I had the joy of hitting puberty at an extremely early age, I have gotten to enjoy this complete wastage of time for over 20 years. Luckily, I have come far from the early days of leg shavage; no longer do my legs sport the nicks and cuts of the inexperienced butcher with a Bic; no, no. I now weild my over-priced Venus with the skill of a seasoned warrior. There is no greater thrill than having to take an hour long shower to rid myself of the repulsive hair on my gams that God gave me.

Of course there has been the occassional week or two without proper hair expungetion. How mortified has the unlucky man been who has had the misfortune of running his hand up my leg at those times. Since I already am not getting the naked fun time I desire of 3 times a day, I am forced to shave my legs every day in order to not further alienate my Rockstar.

At this time, I will cannot even go into detail of the more intimate hair removal that is required of women nowdays, as I am too upset over having yet again wasted 10 minutes of my shower time. If it shall go on like this, there is a chance I may have to take more serious measures. Like electrolosis.


Filed under Beauty, Humor, Life, Uncategorized

20 responses to “Female 5 o’Clock Shadow

  1. Pingback: Blake Shelton, Your Penis is Popular (and Other Semi-Popular Posts) | sparklebumpsthebookwhore

  2. you may have a terrific weblog right here! would you wish to make some invite posts on my blog?

  3. Just stop shaving. When you get a complaint, point out reasonably that Rockstar also refrains from shaving his legs, and you’ll happily resume as soon as he does.

  4. Once a guy is getting some, it could be three day growth. No biggie, just get it soon and don’t look like a hippie.

    And incidentally, I’ve read you, Sparkle, and ‘legs’ is totally not where I thought you were going with this.

  5. Scarlett DuBois

    Thank you!!!! Someone has finally put it out there! Men do not understand the shit we go through to make things appealing for them. And yes, I loathe shaving too. Can never find a razor that gets the job done quickly…

  6. savorthefolly

    Yup. If I could afford it I would do electrolysis too. Boring. Tedious.

    Three times a day huh? Now THAT is a libido!

  7. I love how honest this is…made me laugh too. Perhaps you should pioneer a female version of ‘Movemeber’? If you’re familiar with that! Muffvember? Sorry, only jokin’! Enjoyed this, you have a new reader!

  8. It’s totally time consuming, and therefore my legs have gone into hibernation for the winter! It’s going to be a cold one her in Scotland and I’m going to need all the extra warmth I can get!! Thank you for making me feel less disgusting about my yeti legs 🙂

    Yours, fellow girly girl !

  9. I’m able to get by a week without it by wearing leggings. Teehee. I am surprised to find that there is another female out there that feels this way. I thought I was alone as my sister and girly friends absolutely love shaving their legs.

  10. DiatribesAndOvations.com

    What you’re saying, I understand. Men that shave their bodies, I do not.

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