Junk Mail Entertainment

So I don’t check my e-mail all that often, because like phone calls, I usually only receive one or two good ones in a given month. While going through my junk emails this morning , however, I decided to share a few of the subject lines with you, since it seems that the majority of people who send these to me believe me to be NOT what I am.

You have been invited to hook up for sex: How very flattering. However, since they didn’t send a picture, I must regretfully decline.

Learn how to take professional pictures from photography school: Because I was thinking I’d go to photography school so I could learn to do something ELSE.

Natural Moroccan Hair and skin care: I’m not sure why they sent this to me, as I do not have Moroccan hair OR skin. I’m Minnesotan, yo.

Seek hot chics in your city: Technically, I live in a suburb of a city, and I can tell you one thing- from walking uptown, I am quite certain there are NO hot chics here.

Cougar Dating: I wasn’t sure if this one was asking me to BE the cougar or to date one. If it assumes that I am the cougar, I am seriously offended. So fuck them.

High-end Rolex replicas make for perfect X-Mas gifts: Admittedly, I am  quite poor; however, I am not so cheap as to buy someone I like a knock-off. If I am to buy a present, it will reflect my love and not my dollars. So hugs for everybody! (Since they are the only thing I can afford at this time)

Obtaining Social Security Disability is a complex process; we can help: I highly doubt they give disability for histrionica and shoe obsession.

Wow! This is Amazing!: This one was for a men’s supplement. Incidentally, this is the exact phrase I use when I look in my Rockstar’s pants- and he doesn’t use any supplements.

Viagra,  Cialis, Levitra: oh, my! It sounds like a perverse version of the Wizard of Oz. I hope Dorothy finds men with NO erectile dysfunctions… because that would be best.