Junk Mail Entertainment

So I don’t check my e-mail all that often, because like phone calls, I usually only receive one or two good ones in a given month. While going through my junk emails this morning , however, I decided to share a few of the subject lines with you, since it seems that the majority of people who send these to me believe me to be NOT what I am.

You have been invited to hook up for sex: How very flattering. However, since they didn’t send a picture, I must regretfully decline.

Learn how to take professional pictures from photography school: Because I was thinking I’d go to photography school so I could learn to do something ELSE.

Natural Moroccan Hair and skin care: I’m not sure why they sent this to me, as I do not have Moroccan hair OR skin. I’m Minnesotan, yo.

Seek hot chics in your city: Technically, I live in a suburb of a city, and I can tell you one thing- from walking uptown, I am quite certain there are NO hot chics here.

Cougar Dating: I wasn’t sure if this one was asking me to BE the cougar or to date one. If it assumes that I am the cougar, I am seriously offended. So fuck them.

High-end Rolex replicas make for perfect X-Mas gifts: Admittedly, I am  quite poor; however, I am not so cheap as to buy someone I like a knock-off. If I am to buy a present, it will reflect my love and not my dollars. So hugs for everybody! (Since they are the only thing I can afford at this time)

Obtaining Social Security Disability is a complex process; we can help: I highly doubt they give disability for histrionica and shoe obsession.

Wow! This is Amazing!: This one was for a men’s supplement. Incidentally, this is the exact phrase I use when I look in my Rockstar’s pants- and he doesn’t use any supplements.

Viagra,  Cialis, Levitra: oh, my! It sounds like a perverse version of the Wizard of Oz. I hope Dorothy finds men with NO erectile dysfunctions… because that would be best.


Filed under Entertainment, Humor, Life, Uncategorized

14 responses to “Junk Mail Entertainment

  1. Nigerians who think I need male enhancement are haunting my inbox. They might not be Nigerian, but they’re still Nigerian.

  2. It is quite sad how this town is so very lacking in hot females…save two 😉

  3. freshest15

    love it!!!!! and youuuuuu! xxxxoooo

  4. Everyone in my SPAM box is Nigerian and they all call me “Beloved.”

  5. DiatribesAndOvations.com

    Great post! I shudder to think what’s in my SPAM folder at this very instant!

  6. savorthefolly

    I too have had bad luck getting social security for my histrionics and shoe obsessions. mental health care in this country sucks.

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