Daily Archives: December 5, 2011

In the Spirit of Christmas


I found out today that even spam can be Christmassy. (Sort of)

As I checked my junk emails this morning, I should have known when the subject line “Stuff her stocking!” flashed before my eyes that the subject matter would be rated higher than PG. I was not fully prepared for the upsetting question that would be posed to me when I clicked to open it, however.

“Do you want to get laid for Christmas?”

As I have pointed out on numerous occassions, most certainly I would like to get laid, whether it be Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, or Sadie Hawkins Day. Be that as it may, putting the ideas of naked fun time and Christmas in the same sentence greatly disturbs me.

I am well aware of such offensive Christmas songs as Merry Christmas, Darling and Santa’s Got a Brand-New Bag. Perhaps it is the quote, “Remember the Reason for the Season” being drilled into my head as a child, but I highly doubt Baby Jesus would find people copulating a satisfactory birthday present.  I am less offended by the song Santa Baby, (because Eartha Kitt is awesome) unless of course it is the hideous Jessica Simpson version playing.

It is well known that my sexual explicity content is quite high. However, for my own personal preference, Christmas may be the one time when I shan’t mention boom boom.

The second part of my spam email that got me thinking was the link provided to me after they indecently asked if I wanted a boner in my stocking. It contained the words “date-aholic.” I suppose it depends on who you ask, but I was under the impression that “dates” were the occassions when a boy picks you up, takes you out to a nice dinner, maybe a movie, holds your hand, and kisses you on your front stoop at the end of the night. I am sure this has changed slightly with the times, but I’m pretty sure a date still includes some semblance of wining and dining. So why all the mystery? Instead of using “date-aholic” as their website, wouldn’t it just be more gracious of this company to use the tag line, “FREE SEX” ?  Merry Christmas indeed.

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Filed under Christmas, Humor, Life, Uncategorized

A Little Note


There is a little habit that I have in my home life. I leave notes.

This habit most frequently manifests itself when I put together lunches for my Rockstar to take to work. These notes are quite un-important-“XOXO” and “Have a beauteous day with the fucktards” being the gist of them. I include them just to remind my Rockstar that I exist (as if he could ever forget) and to let him know that I think of him.

Last night, after returning from a hellish night as a Pizza Slut (I shall go into greater detail in a future post) I left some rent money for my Rockstar with a note letting him know that I’d have some more for him some time soon. (At least, that is the intention)

Now, the note thing is just my own little practice. I do not expect reciprocation, and have never received it. (This seems to be common in my relationship…) However, when I got up today, there was a little note with some of the money I had left for my Rockstar.

“You keep this. Go buy some shoes.”

I could not have thought of a more romantic thing for him to say.

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Filed under Beauty, Humor, Life, Love, Money, Uncategorized