In the Spirit of Christmas


I found out today that even spam can be Christmassy. (Sort of)

As I checked my junk emails this morning, I should have known when the subject line “Stuff her stocking!” flashed before my eyes that the subject matter would be rated higher than PG. I was not fully prepared for the upsetting question that would be posed to me when I clicked to open it, however.

“Do you want to get laid for Christmas?”

As I have pointed out on numerous occassions, most certainly I would like to get laid, whether it be Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, or Sadie Hawkins Day. Be that as it may, putting the ideas of naked fun time and Christmas in the same sentence greatly disturbs me.

I am well aware of such offensive Christmas songs as Merry Christmas, Darling and Santa’s Got a Brand-New Bag. Perhaps it is the quote, “Remember the Reason for the Season” being drilled into my head as a child, but I highly doubt Baby Jesus would find people copulating a satisfactory birthday present.  I am less offended by the song Santa Baby, (because Eartha Kitt is awesome) unless of course it is the hideous Jessica Simpson version playing.

It is well known that my sexual explicity content is quite high. However, for my own personal preference, Christmas may be the one time when I shan’t mention boom boom.

The second part of my spam email that got me thinking was the link provided to me after they indecently asked if I wanted a boner in my stocking. It contained the words “date-aholic.” I suppose it depends on who you ask, but I was under the impression that “dates” were the occassions when a boy picks you up, takes you out to a nice dinner, maybe a movie, holds your hand, and kisses you on your front stoop at the end of the night. I am sure this has changed slightly with the times, but I’m pretty sure a date still includes some semblance of wining and dining. So why all the mystery? Instead of using “date-aholic” as their website, wouldn’t it just be more gracious of this company to use the tag line, “FREE SEX” ?  Merry Christmas indeed.

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14 Comments

Filed under Christmas, Humor, Life, Uncategorized

14 responses to “In the Spirit of Christmas

  1. I agree with everything you have hilariously said in this post.

  2. More like ‘whining and dining’! Yeah! And here’s a new Xmas song for you:

  3. Uh…yeah. I sent you that. 😉

  4. Funny stuff, and thanks for the laughs! 🙂 Wishing for you a grand coupling and the big O on Sadie Hawkins Day, (when is that, anyway?) and may all those other special occasions be extra special too!

  5. DiatribesAndOvations.com

    That weblink is the SPAMMIEST part of it all. I bet it works a lot! I wish I better understanding of SPAM’s purpose.

  6. Once again laughing my ass off and reading your stuff to everyone in the office! U rock.

  7. Ahaha Free Sex… what a beautiful Christmas 😛

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