Straight Smut

Sorry to all my non-straight readers who’ve been waiting for more smut. I must appeal to everybody, so this time it’s gonna be a him and her. 😉 Don’t worry, I’ll do more sometime…

Beth felt a hand slide up under her men’s t-shirt she always wore to bed. The callousness of his hand  dragged across the skin of her breasts roughly, and the sensation drew her out of her sleepy haze. She stayed still, relishing the feeling of his touch; then she felt him slide down from his spot next to her until his head rested on her belly. He had told her once he could feel her heartbeat quicken when he rested there. She ran her fingers through his hair sleepily as he slid his arm underneath her, bringing his face closer to the spot between her thighs.

His lips brushed the sensitive spot on her inner thigh, and then her other thigh. He kissed the lowest part of her belly, and the spot at the bottom of her ribs. His breath on her skin sent chills up her body, and she shivered involuntarily. Her nipples were hard now, and his fingers pinched one of them, softly at first. He exerted more pressure until he heard her gasp.

He smiled in the dark, and replaced his head on her belly. His hand slid down her body again and then between her legs. She was wet already, and he lightly ran his fingers over her mound. She moved slightly, trying to get him to apply more pressure, but his hand wandered to her thigh. Her hands, still in his hair, tried to force his head lower, but he resisted. His fingers moved back up, this time parting her outer lips, and he pressed down on her clit before sliding his fingers into her.

Her heart began to beat faster, and he relished in the sound of it against his ear as he worked his fingers in and out. Beth’s hips moved with his fingers, her body tensing. He was hard already from listening to her whimpers, and he lowered his head so he could taste her. A flick of his tongue was enough to send her over the edge.

Sidenote: I decided just now that lesbian S&M smut is much more fun to write.

Slightly Less Creepy Search Terms

Just when I thought I’d never have any more search terms to write about, there happened to be enough to do a third installment. There are not as sick and twisted (mostly) but some are very funny:

Paint his toenails: OK, I know this isn’t that weird, but it IS a habit I believe every girlfriend should develop. If he won’t let you, do it while he’s sleeping.

Dear Santa, got treats: Yes, I do. However, I do not think my Rockstar would wish me to allow Santa to motorboat on my “treats”.

Blow dry asshole: I realize this is in reference to the post I did about my Rockstar’s strange grooming habit, but when you read it like this, it sounds like a strange and wonderful new super hero- “DA da da DAAA! It’s the Blow Dry Asshole! Be careful, Villians! He’s going to… blow dry you!” That one needs pictures..

Stephanie Meyer shame: I think this is a new phrase I should patent and give to anyone rude enough to write horrid books that make lots of moneys.

I’m really sorry to hear about your job termination: Yes, I was too. But I’m over it now. I wonder if their sales are down immensely yet…

Meloni sex: this could be the term I use when I’m imagining Chris during… oh, nevermind.

Sparkle teen model my fruits: I’m not quite sure what to say to this one. I don’t really want to know WHO’S fruits they are.

Has Taylor Swift lost her virginity: There’s no way to know for sure, but do you really think she’d be so angry at that Jonas boy otherwise?

Book road at rainbow’s end: this sounds like it could either be the next installment of Pirate’s of the Carribbean, or a perfect name for my used bookstore.

Tube porn babysex: of course I couldn’t end with at least ONE completely fucked up search term. To this, all I have to say is, “You sick fucker.”