Slightly Less Creepy Search Terms

Just when I thought I’d never have any more search terms to write about, there happened to be enough to do a third installment. There are not as sick and twisted (mostly) but some are very funny:

Paint his toenails: OK, I know this isn’t that weird, but it IS a habit I believe every girlfriend should develop. If he won’t let you, do it while he’s sleeping.

Dear Santa, got treats: Yes, I do. However, I do not think my Rockstar would wish me to allow Santa to motorboat on my “treats”.

Blow dry asshole: I realize this is in reference to the post I did about my Rockstar’s strange grooming habit, but when you read it like this, it sounds like a strange and wonderful new super hero- “DA da da DAAA! It’s the Blow Dry Asshole! Be careful, Villians! He’s going to… blow dry you!” That one needs pictures..

Stephanie Meyer shame: I think this is a new phrase I should patent and give to anyone rude enough to write horrid books that make lots of moneys.

I’m really sorry to hear about your job termination: Yes, I was too. But I’m over it now. I wonder if their sales are down immensely yet…

Meloni sex: this could be the term I use when I’m imagining Chris during… oh, nevermind.

Sparkle teen model my fruits: I’m not quite sure what to say to this one. I don’t really want to know WHO’S fruits they are.

Has Taylor Swift lost her virginity: There’s no way to know for sure, but do you really think she’d be so angry at that Jonas boy otherwise?

Book road at rainbow’s end: this sounds like it could eitherΒ be the next installment of Pirate’s of the Carribbean, or a perfect name for my used bookstore.

Tube porn babysex: of course I couldn’t end with at least ONE completely fucked up search term. To this, all I have to say is, “You sick fucker.”


Filed under Books, Christmas, Entertainment, Humor, Life, music, Uncategorized, Work

18 responses to “Slightly Less Creepy Search Terms

  1. Pingback: Now It’s Blake Shelton’s Bulge… | sparklebumpsthebookwhore

  2. OK, “Blow dry asshole” just got the biggest spontaneous laugh out loud out of me today! πŸ™‚ Not entirely sure why, but the truth is the truth! Lol

  3. Viagra porn Nigerian prince Sharpton Cain sex blue waffle lemonparty themacuser I own a horse magnets celebrity poop piss crap 2 girls 1 cup sperm burping gutterslut Adele LMFAO wiggle Uranus.

    Let’s see what happens. If this backfires, I won’t be a bit surprised.

  4. I keep getting spam that tries to sell me Viagra. Even spambots think I’m a man. 😦

  5. “I think this is a new phrase I should patent and give to anyone rude enough to write horrid books that make lots of moneys.” … I wish I could, Damn me for having talent.


    Great post! You’re SO PRETTY! I’m sick of Taylor Swift. Sick I say!

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