No Speaka English? Do You Understand My Middle Finger?


Hello, my Lovelys. If you’ve been wondering why I’ve been MIA this weekend, it’s because I’ve been experiencing the joys of full-time Pizza Sluttism. I have been informed that I’m doing very well in the pizza making category; and after the little incident I had to deal with last night, I must say that I prefer being stuck in the sweltering hot kitchen instead of dealing with the general public.

I have noticed in the last 2 months that people not originating from the U.S. adore pizza as much as the natives. Sadly, I have also noticed the number of non-English-speaking individuals is alarmingly high. This is a source of constant irritation for me.

Parental Advisory: the following paragraphs contain strong language and are not appropriate for children under 18.

Sidenote: I am not in the least bit racist, and I do not believe the behaviors of one or two individuals of a certain race reflect the behaviors of that entire race; however, when every person that I come across of a certain race acts exactly the same, I will be forced to form a somewhat biased opinion.

Last night at work, we were (as my manager, Awesome, words it) fucked hardcore in the ass- or extremely busy. As I was flying around being the Sparkley superhero waitress that I am, a man and two women arrived, and parked themselves in the midst of EVERYONE’S pathway. They were speaking loudly (and rudely) in a language that was NOT English, and seemed to think that they were to come first in being helped, though there was quite a long line of customers ahead of them. I will not say from which country they originated, except for that it rhymes with Fromalia.

The man placed himself directly in my way and rudely proceeded to tell me what he was expecting, though he knew only about 4 words in English. When I calmly tried to say one or two words I figured he would understand, a plethora 0f foreign words fell from his mouth, accompanied by a multitude of words from one of the women with him. She spoke louder than he, trying to drown him out, and expected me to know what it was they wanted, though I have never been to the country that rhymes with Fromalia. I shook my head and asked calmy again for them to repeat themselves, but in English. The man kept repeating what he wanted, NOT in English. After about 10 minutes, and three order changes, (and many stares from customers) I finally placed their order.

I explained that it would be ready in 20 minutes, and asked for them to step out of the pathway of those coming and going. They remained stationary, ignoring me. After 10 minutes, the man caught my arm and said, “We need table, give us table.” So they DID speak some English. I was very irritated with them at this point, and pointed to the only empty table in the restaraunt.

All three decided they wanted to eat from the salad bar then. I have no problems with Muslim customs, but I DO have a problem if the people trying to follow said customs cannot do so without my assistance. One of the women heaped her plate full of salad, (as in, dripping all over the floor with dressing,) and then put bacon bits on it. I am well aware that Muslims are not to eat pork, but if you are not to eat pork, wouldn’t you have figured out what it looks like so as to keep from committing a mortal sin? The man grabbed my arm again (rudely) and told me (rudely) to take the plate away. (As if it was my fault they don’t know what pork looks like.) I proceeded to bring their order out and leave them to it.

When they came up to pay, the man was furious. He began berating me for having messed up his order, and demanded that I give him the chicken wings someone was boxing up for another order. I explained that I would put in an order for chicken wings if he wished, but he would have to wait for them, or I could take them off the bill and he could be on his merry way. He opted not to wait. (Thank God.)

Here is my fucking problem.

If you are going to move to my country, and expect to be treated with respect, then you had better fucking treat ME with a little bit of respect. I will do my best to understand you, despite the fact that you are in MY country, and in my opinion, should at least TRY to learn the language. If you are going to repeatedly grab my arm (rudely), and fuck up my entire night at work with your bullshit because you can’t speak English, I am going to eventually fucking blow a gasket and you are going to be extremely fucking sorry. Fuck you, anyone who doesn’t take the time to learn whatever language is primary in WHATEVER country you live in. Fucking fuck you, you motherfuckers.

P.S. I’m sorry if I offend anyone, but I’m pretty sure anyone I will have offended can’t fucking understand my posts anyway.

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12 Comments

Filed under Humor, Life, Uncategorized, Work

12 responses to “No Speaka English? Do You Understand My Middle Finger?

  1. He spoke fluent Douchebag. You translated it into Received Fuck You. Have a nice day, right?

  2. I’m sympathetic (to a point) when it comes to English as a second language because, let’s face it, it’s hard to learn.

    You don’t have to let anyone touch you … ever.

  3. i do not see anything wrong with anything you have said. An annoying people came in and you have called them annoying.

    I lived in a non English speaking country for several years and not knowing the language does not mean be rude

  4. Even when you don’t speak the native language, there is no reason to not be polite. That’s just extreme frustration… Sparkle them blind, Sparkle.

  5. Non-English speakers ehehehe to be fair I do not think you understand half the stuff I am saying and I am English! 😛 but those peoples were rude 😀

  6. You and I should swap Fromalia stories sometime…It’s quite an entertaining topic at family gatherings. You handled the situation far better than I have at Sam’s Club.

  7. savorthefolly

    holy shit that was AWESOME. the dude was being an asshole. I dont’ care where you’re from. asshole is asshole. of course you’re ready to kill them.

  8. Bastard knew enough english to berate you for messing up the order. & ya, fuck you dude… Touch my arm again and I’m going helipcopter arms on your ass!

  9. Sweetie, if there was anyone out there you would have the potential to offend it’s me; as I somehow have been elected to be the representative voice of the immigrant community lately. But believe me, you did absolutely nothing wrong. Rudeness, obnoxiousness and ill-mannered behavior knows know language barrier. On behalf of all immigrants everywhere, I apologize, and am truly sorry you had to put up with this “gigante stugots.”

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