What would you do if:
#1 A white trash loser with a Southern accent literally shooed you away and said,”Go’on now. Get on outta here! I told ’em not to send you back here. Just get on outta here. Go’on now.” after complaing about you for absolutely no reason?
What I would do: Snort and walk away and then mope around saddened while glaring at said man occasionally until he leaves.
#2 You dumped a flaming hot pizza onto your hand and into your apron?
What I would do: Say “Shit! Fuck! That was hot!” a little too loudly, and then look around and notice the little girl standing nearby waiting for a refill who’s ears have just been assailed by curse words.
#3 The Way You Make Me Feel came on the radio while you were saucing and cheesing?
What I would do: Sing under my breath while continuing to sauce and cheese, until the spirit of Michael Jackson possessed me and I could no longer resist the urge to screech, “HEE-HOO!” while thrusting my hips and grabbing my crotch. (I think I should have set the pepperoni down first…”
#4 You answer the phone and SMILE while issuing the standard greeting- “Thank you for calling Pizza Hut! My name is Sparklebumps, would you like to hear our specials?”- only to have the person on the line say, “No. Do you guys have any specials?” Repeatedly.
What I would do: Roll my eyes and continue to SMILE while taking their order, then when they hang up, bash the phone reciever mercilessly onto the cradle.
#5 The screechy-voiced woman you worked with deems you worthy of talking to now, and (since she only complains when she has something to say) continues to complain to you about other coworkers?
What I would do: Nod and remain mute,(hoping no reaction will make her stop talking to you) hoping her vocal chords with magically disintigrate so as to rid yours and others ears of the horror that is her voice.
#6 Your managar Awesome’s hubby comes in and she says to him, “Show Sparklebumps your tattoes!” which he obliges by pulling up his shirt after having just met you?
What I would do: Think, “Wah! He’s flashing me!” and then shrug and check out his fun tattoes.
#7 Your manager Frenchie gets on his knees in front of everyone and begs for forgiveness after you have jokingly berated him for flirting with coworkers other than yourself?
What I would do: Narrow my eyes at him as if I’m thinking about it, and then NOT forgive him. He needs to think about what he’s done for a bit longer.
#8 There was a puddle of piss in front of the urinal EVERY night when you are mopping up?
What I would do: Drop my mop right then and stalk back to the kitchen, demanding to know which coworker remaining does not know how to aim his urine stream properly.
Who wouldn’t want to be a Pizza Slut?
Sparklebumpsthebookwhore 
I loved #4 – so funny and so true.
You have no idea how frustrating that is!
What’s your reaction to making a pan pizza with literally every ingredient on it, including sandwich ingredients and cinnamon icing, while you drink beer from the tap, steal the hot manager away from her stooge boyfriend and crack her up until she’s all yours, and oh yeah, clean up a little? That’s all true. Every last word. Those were the days.
All of that sounds like stuff I would do. (Except drinking beer part.) Here is the question. Did you eat the pizza with everything on it?
Three pieces.
Gross.
I love your Michael Jackson reaction!!!! =)
He gets the best of me sometimes….
Worked there 3 times, different locations and never made more than 6 months. It seems to be the family place where they expect you to act like it’s the Ritz!
It’s not so bad so far…
If truth is so entertaining, then we’ll all settle.
And you say you don’t have an awesome life? I cannot think of anything so amusing and not very smart as (some) customers. Great inspiration for posts.
I realized when I was writing this that I take the little things that happen and try to make them sound interesting…
Haha, I do the same. But it does work! And if you add some, let’s say, details, no one will know or care. Win-win!
Yes, but I only speak the truth on my blog, so people will have to settle for the normal things that happen.