Daily Archives: December 20, 2011

A Period Piece

I have vowed that no topic shall ever be taboo on my blog; however, the following post for some reason completely makes me shudder. But I must ask the question that needs asking, because I truly am asking for opinions.

How truly disgusted are guys when they fuck girls that are on the rag? and

Is asking your boyfriend to fuck you while you’re bleeding out of your cunt just too disturbing?

As you may have figured out, I am suffering from that truly revolting sickness that plagues womankind every month. (For normal women, anyway.) I myself am lucky enough to only suffer the flow of moon blood every 3 or 4 months. (which sounds like a great thing, but actually results in horrific cramps not known by normal women.) Because of this fuck-up in my monthly flow schedule, my period tends to last much longer than it should, (as in usually 10-14 days, or a month on occassion.) Because horniness is a side-affect of bleeding out of one’s cooch, I find myself humping door-frames and other stationary objects.

Because my ex-hubby was pretty much disgusted by my non-hemopheliac pussy, the idea of sticking his boner into my bleeding one greatly disturbed him. And so, I fell into the habit of not expecting sex during these times. Now that I am with my Rockstar, I have grown too accustomed to being embarrassed of mentioning my being on the rag in the presence of men, so we generally do not do It either. (To be clear, I am not one of those girlfriends who leaves my man high and dry at these times; there is a reason I excel at blowjobs.)

I have asked several men their opinions on this subject, and have been met with a variety of answers- everything from “When I want sex, my girlfriend better be ready to do me, even if she IS on the rag,” to “My girlfriend’s on her period, so ew; there’s no sex this week.”

I realize that this would be a matter simple enough to clear up by just asking my Rockstar, but for some odd reason, this is something I cannot discuss face to face with someone I’m in a relationship with. The thought of it makes my face burn.

And so, I ask you, my Lovelys, to enlighten me. I expect to hear from EVERY man that is subscribed to my blog, as well as the women; because I entertain you daily with my (haha) wittiness, and this is my hour of need. Do I dare ask my Rockstar to fuck the bejesus outta me while I’m suffering from womanness, or is any bit of romance we have going to fly out the window if I do?


Filed under Humor, Life, Love, Uncategorized

The Oddball Objects of My Affection

The other night at work, a customer came in who has caught my eye on several other occassions. It is safe to say that part of the reason this man caught my eye was because he is a giant of a man and he blocked my view of anyone else that may have been standing behind him. Other than that, the only things that made him attractive to me were that he had long hair and he looked like a WWE wrestler. (Don’t judge me.) Anyhoo, I declared to Frenchie that I found this man to be pleasing to my eyes; Frenchie then found it necessary to share my bizarre little observation with the other co-workers, who teased me mercilessly because said man possesses only two teeth. (In my defense, I have only looked at the man when his mouth was closed, so I had no way of knowing his gums were naked.)

This got me thinking of the other kooky crushes I’ve had through-out my life. I was slightly disturbed that there were enough to make an actual list…

Warwick Davis as Willow: I have mentioned it before, but people seem to think it odd that I found this Little Person attractive. In my defense, we were the same height when I found him so. I no longer find him captivating.

Ron Perlman as the Beast: I bet you haven’t thought of THAT show for a long time! Beauty and the Beast aired on TV when I was around 6. So while my friends were playing with their cabbage patch dolls, I was dreaming of growing up and marrying a prince named Vincent who looked like a lion. How fucked up is that?

David Bowie as the Goblin King: I have found that I am not alone in this one. There is something incredibly alluring about a man with crazy hair and sparkly eye make-up running around in tights. My manager Awesome agrees with me…

Christopher Walken: This is one that completely astounds me. Simply because when I was younger, I found Christopher to be absolutely repulsive. When my mom would watch a movie with him in it, I would become enraged and stalk off to my bedroom because I could not bear to look upon his face. Now, I find him charming because of his kooky timing. I still find his face slightly appalling, however.

Triple H: Yes, ok? I find WWE wrestling to be highly entertaining.  There were a few years where I was completely engrossed with it, spending hundreds of dollars to rent the pay-per view shows and going to see it live. What is odd about this is- out of all the pretty boys they have in their casting, I find the guy with the biggest schnoz the sexiest. And he can kick The Rock’s ass, so there!

The Big Show: Another wrestler. The biggest athlete in the world. I’d take all 500 lbs. of him. Although I’d maybe have to have a ladder. But you know what they say about big hands- Big hands, big….feet. And there’s really nothing more attractive than a giant in a wrestling onesie, is there?




So it looks like my dream guy would be a half lion midget wrestler who dresses like a woman and says things offbeat while spewing water on his fans. That would be kinda wild to see…


Filed under Beauty, Entertainment, Humor, Life, Love, Uncategorized