The 12 Days of Christmas (Sparklebumps Style)

On the first day of Christmas, my Rockstar gave to me

a boner-er in my coochie.

On the second day of Christmas, my Rockstar gave to me

two stillettos and a boner-er in my coochie.

On the third day of Christmas, my Rockstar gave to me

three french fries, two stillettos, and a boner-er in my coochie.

On the fourth day of Christmas, my Rockstar gave to me

four brand new books, three french fries, two stillettos, and a boner-er in my coochie.

On the fifth day of Christmas, my Rockstar gave to me

FIVE OR-GAS-EMS! Four-er brand new books, three french fries, two-wo stillettos, and a boner-er in my coochie.

On the sixth day of Christmas, my Rockstar gave to me

six sparkly dresses, FIVE OR-GAS-EMS! four-er brand new books, three french fries, two-wo stillettos, and a boner-er in my coochie.

On the seventh day of Christmas, my Rockstar gave to me

seven girls in g-strings, six sparkly dresses, FIVE OR-GAS-EMS! four-er brand new books, three french fries, two-wo stillettos, and a boner-er in my coochie.

On the eight day of Christmas, my Rockstar gave to me

eight rides in Mustangs, seven girls in g-strings, six sparkly dresses, FIVE OR-GAS-EMS! four-er brand new books, three french fries, two-wo stillettos, and a boner-er in my coochie.

On the ninth day of Christmas, my Rockstar gave to me

nine booby squeezes, eight rides in Mustangs, seven girls in g-strings, six sparkly dresses, FIVE OR-GAS-EMS! four-er brand new books, three french fries, two-wo stillettos, and a boner-er in my coochie.

On the tenth day of Christmas, my Rockstar gave to me

ten bags of candy, nine booby squeezes, eight rides in Mustangs, seven girls in g-strings, six sparkly dresses, FIVE OR-GAS-EMS! four-er brand new books, three french fries, two-wo stillettos, and a boner-er in my coochie.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my Rockstar gave to me

eleven bras from Frederick’s, ten bags of candy, nine booby squeezes, eight rides in Mustangs, seven girls in g-strings, six sparkly dresses, FIVE OR-GAS-EMS! four-er brand new books, three french fries, two-wo stillettos, and a boner-er in my coochie.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my Rockstar gave to me

twelve lovely spankings, eleven bras from Frederick’s, ten bags of candy, nine booby squeezes, eight rides in Mustangs, seven girls in g-strings, six sparkly dresses, FIVE OR-GAS-EMS! four-er brand new books, three french fries, two-wo stillettos, and one Chris Me-lon-i!!!!!!!!!

P.S. There was no other way for me to fit Chris in there. Believe me, I tried.

It DOES Get Worse (Otherwise Entitled : Search Terms 4)

You guys have to let me know if this is getting old. I myself am still greatly disturbed by the fucked up search terms people use to get to my blog:

Anatomically correct young girl dolls: My question is- Are these dolls used for educational purposes only? I certainly hope so.

My wife Christmas sex present: If sex is what your wife is planning on giving you for Christmas, Dude, I say “Congrats”. Although this does make me wonder is she gives it to you the rest of the year. If YOU were the one planning on giving the sex, you may want to at least put a bow on your dick; otherwise she’s going to think that you didn’t put much thought into it. (You’re welcome, Dude’s Lady) On the other hand, if you were looking to receive my services as a gift from your wife, I will need a current picture of you and a credit card number from your Black Amex. And french fries.

Disney princess is a whore: I wonder what gave them a clue. The fact that Belle moved in with a guy (or a beast if you want to look at it in an even worse light) after just meeting him, Jasmine’s harem outfit, or the fact that Snow White lived with 7 guys at once? I’m sorry, I cannot say anything bad about Ariel. (She is my favorite.)

Fat woman shitting, tubes: I just don’t even know what to say to this…  *shiver*

Cute girls fucked: This read like an advertisement, don’t you think? “Cute girls fucked here! Only seven dolla!” Ok, in all honesty, there is no pictures of cute girls getting fucked on my blog, but come on…. I talk about getting fucked all the time. There has to be a connection.

What Santa thinks I’m naughty or mean: Although the wording makes no sense to me (anyone else?) I am quite certain if Santa could see into the depths of my soul, he would be greatly disturbed to find a half-smoked cigar, numerous alcohol bottles (empty of course), a little white lie or two, and girl-on-girl porn. I think it depends on who you ask whether those things are naughty…

Santa cartoon porn: I hate to disappoint whoever was led to my blog looking for nudeys of Santa. However, if this exists, it may be the leverage I need to get what I want from St. Nick.