My Resolve


Happy New Year, my Lovelys! Sorry I have been absent for the last few days… I was busy…re-aquainting myself with my Rockstar and his Boner after his many days away….

Anyhoo,  it seems that I have a habit of making absurd resolutions that are quite nearly impossible to achieve (without having my own personal dominatrix to assure succes), so this year, I have decided to only make New Year’s resolutions that are actually feasible.

1. I resolve to go to McDonald’s only ONCE a week, except for special occassions such as Wednesdays, Fridays, and Sundays.

2. I resolve to buy only shoes that are NEEDED. I NEED shoes that will match my fabulous sparkly multi-colored tights, because non-matching shoes would just be un-classy. Also, a pair of nude heels is a necessity, as they match with everything.

3. I resolve to physically exert myself at least once a day. (Sex is exertion, right?)

4. I resolve to only buy  clothing after I have lost 5 lbs. (Fortuneately, my shoes weigh 5 lbs.)

5. I resolve to keep my “sexual oozing” from oozing onto everyone I meet, if at all possible….

6. I resolve to not get fired from my job because of my blog.

7. I resolve to think of someone other than myself for at least one minute every day.

8. I resolve to NOT think of sex for at least one minute every day.

9. I resolve to smile at and not think bad thoughts about crapper customers and/or sucky co-workers at least once a week.

10. I resolve to lessen the amount of brandy/whiskey/ other assorted liquors I pour into my alcoholic beverages, in an effort to ration said liquor; therefore saving money by making it last longer.

11. I resolve to refrain from cursing profusely unless extremely angered or distraught. (Taylor Swift winning any musical award and work-related incidents are examples of extreme anger-inducing circumstances)

12. I resolve to pay off my Victoria’s Secret credit card. (Thereby enabling myself to re-open said card and “rebuild” my credit by purchasing much-needed butt-floss undies.)

13. I resolve to not wear open-toed shoes in the middle of winter. (Which means I NEED a pair of fur-trimmed boots.)

14. I resolve to work on writing my already-begun book at least one hour a day. (In an attempt to become the writer that I really am.)

OK, I think that about does it. These resolutions, I think, are quite acheiveable…

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11 Comments

Filed under Beauty, Books, Fashion, Humor, Life, Uncategorized

11 responses to “My Resolve

  1. Thats a pretty impressive list of New Year tasks you have set yourself. I hope you do keep them and of course along with your other readers, look forward to the updates.
    My resolutions for 2012 are to sort my finances out, to concentrate on my poddcasting and blogging more, to get myself a social circle and also to enjoy life a bit more than I did in 2011. I shall of course blog about my journey through 2012.

  2. You can combine 7 and 8 by thinking about someone you don;t want to have sex with.
    Hey, extra minute for writing. Or looking for shoes…

  3. I shall have to be careful about my work related blogging in the near future….Ha. I think I may have met the Twit for a brief moment today. She didn’t like my perfume even though it was Black Rasberry Vanilla. What kind of villian doesn’t like Raspberries?! Impossible! Anywho, I shall resume my texting to you for I have lots to day.

  4. Fur lined boots….sigh……

  5. Those are easy. Especially the nude heels. If you think about it, everyone has a pair of nude heels.

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