So apparently, I am unworthy of a proposal of marriage.
After agonizing over this for months, (or perhaps years) it seems to be the only logical explanation.
That is not to say that I am not marriage material.
Quite the contrary, in fact.
During the first seven years of my previous relationship, my ex stated at numerous various intervals that he had every intention of marrying me. And he did. After I said, “OK. So we’ve been together for, like, ever. Let’s get married already.”
That was the first instance of a non-proposal I experienced.
When my Rockstar and I formally started dating, (when he said, “If we are going to be together, I don’t want you fuckin’ around with other guys.”) I asked him how he wanted his life to go in regards to any kind of relationship. He said, and I quote, “I want to be married, and maybe have another kid.”
Soon after that, he asked how my ex had proposed. Imagine his surprise when I told him there had been no actual proposal.
Throughout our two-year relationship, the only time I have mentioned marriage is the time I left my Non-Proposal Note. (Which got no response.) It may seem that I am in a terrible rush to repeat the disaster of marriage. In fact, the opposite is true. Things are practically perfect, and I am well aware that marriage does not make anything better. (or worse.)
The point is…. my Rockstar said once that he wished to be married someday. Long long ago, he was married and it all went to shit; so I understand any hesitation that may exist. At the same time, I am most definitely NOT an almost-model who is fucking around with multiple dudes, and our relationship has already lasted longer than his first marriage.
If he were to propose, I’m not even sure I would say yes, (OK, I readily admit that is a lie) but I want him to WANT to marry me, even if we do not actually commit the actual act.
I asked my boss Frenchi, “If a guy wants to marry a girl, he will ask her, yes?” He said yes. (Of course, he has been married 3 times, so I think that he is not afraid of commitment.)
So now I am asking all of you, “If my Rockstar wanted to marry me, he would have at least asked by now, yes?”