Daily Archives: January 9, 2012

One Sparklebumps For Sale


For Sale

One mentally-maladjusted individual; slightly used. No dents.

All natural triple DDD’s included.

Measures out at 5’3″ and a 1/4.

Goes by the pseudonym “Sparklebumps”. Also responds to “Crazy Bitch”.

Runs like a dream when re-fueled with copious amounts of sugar or french fries.

Fits in a size 9 shoe- ass looks best when in a 5″+ stilletto.

Requires attention, regular orgasms, flattery, and books to operate properly.

Has supplied many hours of marathon sex, laughter, and stress-inducing behavior.

Can provide music, magnificent bedroom play, hugs, and trivia answers.

Horniness and entertaining buffoonery greatly heightened when provided with alcohol.

Hysteria may result if not suitably boned daily.

$6,000,000 or best offer.

Will consider newer model Mustangs and European castles on trade.

Contact Sparklebumps c/0 Rockstar at 867-5309 or via comments.

Series queries only please. Will not respond to bill collectors and/or IRS personel.

Advertisements

17 Comments

Filed under Humor, Life, Love, Money, music, Uncategorized

A French Fairytale


Bonjour, my Lovelys!

Today I have decided to tell you a French fairytale.

No, it is not actually a story originating from France, but having taken two years of French in high school (which I don’t remember) and having been inspired by the accent of my boss Frenchie, I decided I now know enough French words to at least partially entertain you in a Romance language. Don’t worry, I’m quite certain you will be able to understand….

He looked at you and foi (Once upon a time)

Sidenote: Frenchie was kind enough to let me know the French wording of this phrase. Unfortuneately, he was not specific on the spelling. So what you get is what it sounded like he said. All I have to say is- I want a guy to look at me and foi. It sounds amazing.)

there was a belle femme (beautiful girl) name Angelina Jolie (pretty angel) who liked cafe’ au lait (coffee with milk). She would go with her ami (friend) to the cafe’ (cafe) and eat croissants (croissants), exclaiming “Ooh lala!”  (Wow)

One day, a young garcon (boy) came in to the cafe and fell in love at first sight with the girl. He went up to her and bowed, saying, “J’e  m’appelle Pierre et j’taime, ma cherie.” (My name is Pierre and I love you, my dear). The belle femme was so flustered that she immediately jumped up and cried, “Pardon moi, monsier, (excuse me, sir) I must use the toilette (bathroom)!” and she rushed off to the John.

When she returned, she was distraught to find the garcon who had claimed his undying love to her was now , in fact, saying vulgar things to her ami such as “Oui” (yes) and “Voulez vous coucher avec moi?”  (Do you want to sleep with me tonight). Angelina threw her cafe au lait in his face and screamed, “Cochon!”  (Pig!) then she ran out of the cafe and into the street.

Through her tears, she did not see the big F-150 truck that was coming, and she nearly got run over when she tripped on a chat (cat). The truck screeched to a halt and a beau homme (beautiful man) stepped out and said, “Je suis desolez!” (I’m sorry) He then asked her if she would like to go to a discotheque (dance club) She smiled up into his ruggedly handsome face and said, “S’il vous plait” (Please)

La Fin (The End)

14 Comments

Filed under fiction, Humor, Love, short story, Uncategorized