A Sparklebumps Grocery List

If I was living alone and did not have to responsibly buy groceries to feed my Beloveds, this is what my grocery list would look like:

Peanut Butter Cap’n Crunch (I prefer original, but it cuts the roof of your mouth)

Cinnamon Toast Crunch (This is a staple on my Responsible Adult Grocery List anyway, because I was never allowed to have it when I was young.)

1% Milk (only purchased to enhance said cereal, because as a child I was forced to drink a glass of milk at every meal, and I hate it now. Unless it has ice in it.)

Oreos- single-stuffed (Double stuffed are totally gross)

A six-pack of gum in assorted minty flavors (Because I look so much cuter with somethin’ in my mouth)

7 Jack’s Supreme frozen pizzas (I like the vegetables, but I pick the sausage off)

Individually packages Chicken Kievs (Because butter-doused poultry is indeed healthy)

Blazin’ Buffalo Doritos, (and other assorted flavors)

Ruffles potato chips

Top the Tator sour with chives (for the Ruffles)

A bag of bite-size Butterfingers (to eat while watching Chris Meloni movies)

A case of Caffeine-free Diet Coke (I am not worried about caffeine keeping me up all night. I believe that due to my extensive diet of heart-attack inducing foods, sugar and caffeine no longer have an effect on me. I just like the taste better.)

Soy sauce

Chow mein noodles (soy sauce and chow mein noodles are my go to food when I am too lazy to cook, which is, like, always)

Cheese (because no grocery list is complete without cheese)

Corn dogs (best if fried, but if I lived alone, I would never own a fryer)

Peaches (See? I like healthy things)

broccoli, cauliflower, and baby carrots

Dill-flavored veggie dip (Because veggies are gross without it.)

Coffee- flavored ice cream (I don’t drink coffee for breakfast, I eat ice-cream instead.)


OK, so I think that’s about it. If I lived alone, I would surely suffer from a heart attack or diabetes by the time I was 40.


Filed under Food, Humor, Life, Uncategorized

11 responses to “A Sparklebumps Grocery List

  1. I wish they made Gluten Free Cinnamon Toast Crunch. That shit is the BEST cereal EVER. I will however be content with my assorted Cap’n Crunch variites. The original is indeed the best but yes, it does cut the roof of your mouth..which is sad..because I really like them.

  2. Love this list, with the milk thing I used love farm fresh until the bull went dry, then i had to go to the store. Have to say the store’s tasted better.

  3. Fun post!

    I honestly don’t think that I’ve drank one glass of milk since I moved out of my mother’s house 30+ years ago. I, too, was forced to drink a glass with every meal throughout my childhood. Now I won’t touch it unless it’s a White Russian.

    I won’t eat cereal for the same reason.

    You’re wrong about Double Stuff Oreos. There are no bad Oreos.

    Caffeine-Free Diet Coke is the elixir of my life.

    Everything is better with cheese.

  4. This post made me very hungry!!! And I just finished lunch too!

  5. Ice in milk makes me go “Ewww.”

  6. I like this list, although cannot drink milk due to it coming from a cows boobies!

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