Date Night 2012: Stripperland

And our story continues….

After my Rockstar and I decided to leave the Red Carpet, he said, “Are we going to Sugar Daddies with all your ones or what?”

I have a habit of handing my wad of alotted spending moneys to my Rockstar at the beginning of adventuresome nights. (since ruffle skirts and tight shirts do not generally have pocketal areas) Since I am now a Pizza Slut, my wad of moneys tends to be all ones. (or 5’s) So this is the reason my Rockstar got the idea to go to the strip club.

Being the booby-loving and fun -loving girl that I am, I said, “Woo!”

So off we went to Stripperland.

Long ago, (right after I turned 18), I went to Stripperland with my ex-hubby and his friends. Him being the non-fun loving man that he was, he was not greatly amused when a dancer going by the name of Paige asked to gimme a lap dance. His friends, on the other hand, found it highly… amusing. At that time, Stripperland, MN was short on attractive nudey dancers, so I have not been back since. (Though Paige was adorable, in a pierced-tit-and-clit sort of way.)

Before me and my boobs came along, my Rockstar was a lonely lonely man who frequented Stripperland, MN. Since we have been together, he no longer finds the need to pay for ogling of naked chics, since I allow him to ogle me for free. (Although, I would surely take any dollar bills that were offered.)

When we got to Sugar Daddies, I was appalled to find that women no longer get in for free, but instead are forced to pay the same exhorbitant price of $10 for a glass of Diet Pepsi. (Dammit!) In my drunken state, I asked the bouncer-type man if he would sell me his lovely tie, which he thought about, before sadly refusing my offer, stating that he needed it for work the next night. With our $10 sodas in hand, we made our way to Sniffer’s Row, where a delightfully naked, almost hot chic proceeded to flash her pussy at us. Sadly, her second song was done almost immediately, and then a few uglies came out and danced. We moved away from Sniffer’s Row when my Rockstar proclaimed that he did not want to spend all of my hard-earned ones on Nasties.

After re-situating ourselves at a table, an adorably cross-eyed stripper came over to say hey. She commented on my shoes, (“OH! I looove your shoes! They are very stripperesque!”) to which I replied, (A bit sarcastically) “That is EXACTLY what I was going for!” *flashing a smile here*

She went away saddened that we did not request a personal dance. We then proceeded to roam our eyes around the place, looking for hotty strippers. My Rockstar grabbed my arm and whispered fiercely, “Don’t point! They’ll come over!” when I spotted one, and then he said, “Ah. Iana. I remember her. She don’t look so good no more.” when a blonde (of course) with a hot body but cottage cheese on her ass bent down in front of us.

I was immediately enthralled with “Brie” when she came out and shook things up by actually using the pole that was on stage. “How does she do that?!” I cried, when she spun around upside down, and then continued her dance by sliding her very nicely-shaped boobies out of her brassiere. Sadly, out of the 10 dancers we saw, she was the only one who appealled to me.

After my Rockstar commented, “Yeah, these girls have aged. The girls in Texas were way hotter.” and I checked his pants to see if he had a raging boner, (he didn’t), I suggested we go home and I would remedy the situation that was in his pants. (The situation being a flaccid Man Part.)

For the record, Stripperland, MN smells like tanning lotion, and NOT like expired Man Juice. (as I expected) For only $55, I could have sniffed the VIP room to see if THAT smelled like expired Man Juice. (I decided not this time.) On our way out, I once again tried to convince the bouncer to sell me his tie. (He politely refused.)

When we got home, I fled to the bathroom to pee, (alcohol will make you do that sometimes.) and when I came out, there was my Rockstar, trying to find hot chics on Lubetube. (highly entertaining television) I sauntered over to him (I like to think I sauntered, when in actuality I probably stumbled, but nevermind that.) and I said, “Aright, lemme see if I can get it hard, since all those other girls couldn’t.”

The End

P.S. The repurcussions of our trip to Stripperland were well worth the voyage. Let us just say that those girls have got nothing on me. Twice.  😉 XOXO