Daily Archives: January 19, 2012

If I Had A Million Dollars


For some reason, the fabulous Barenaked Ladies song of this title popped into my head this morning. Since I fully intend to earn a million dollars someday, (whether it be by my writing, my sexual prowess, or by my general awesomeness) I have given great thought to the question- “What would you do if you had a million dollars.” Let me just tell you what I’d do…

First of all, to keep from looking like a completely selfish bitch, I would buy my Rockstar the Gibson gold top guitar he’s always wanted. (The $5000 one, NOT the cheap version) Sadly, I think this guitar is wretchedly ugly, but it’s what he wants. (Silly man)

Since I would be at Guitar Center anyway, I would then buy my brother the most sparkly set of drum I could find, so he could get ready to join our band Carousel. They really should be purple, since that’s his favorite color, but my bass is purple, so that just would be too much purpleyness.

On the way back from Guitar Center, I’d have to make a stop at the Yamaha piano dealer and buy an Elton John limited edition Red Piano, because I need one.

I would be very hungry from making my musical purchases, so I would have to stop and get some French Fries from McDonald’s.

I would then stop by the house I always dreamed of having while I was growing up in my home town and offer them much dollars to sell it to me.  It is a pea-green version of the house in Anne of Green Gables and though it is not a castle, it would do quite nicely.

Since I would have a house, I would then go to the Humane Society and seek out the biggest cutest mutt puppy (anything mixed with a great dane or a St Bernard)  I could find. If there was more than one, I would probably buy them both; also maybe a kitty or two.

Let us not forget the Ford dealer! I refuse to go to the dealership in St Cloud, (because the salesmen  are fucktards and easily get distracted by my boobies.) So anyhoo, I would order my specially-designed fuschia 2012 Boss Mustang, and since I would be rich, I’d have to buy a beautifully-giant shiny candy-apple red F-350, with NOT tan seats. (Sorry, Rockstar. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to ride in it.)

I suppose I should do something useful with my dollars, so I would buy a little shop somewhere and open a used bookstore where I could wear what I want (heels and fun skirts) and display what I want (all my bloggy friends’ published books) and do what I want. (flirt with customers and read and write my books). It shall be a raging success.

In order to properly attire myself for business, I would have to go on a new wardrobe shopping spree. Just because I’m a millionaire doesn’t mean I would be rid of my thrifty ways, so I would still only buy things on clearance (with the exception of shoes) and I would use re-usable bags to carry my purchases out to my new Mustang.

After shoe shopping, I’m assuming there wouldn’t be much moneys left. So then I would go home.

 

 

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