A Valentine’s Day Beheading


For those of you that may not know, Valentine’s Day was started to honor several Christian men named Valentinus who were martyred. That somehow magically turned into a day where people are supposed to lavish cards, flowers, jewelry, and other completely unrelated shit on people they love. Instead of feeling bad about a guy who lost his head (unwillingly) in the 15th century, we now are convinced we should feel bad when our boyfriends’ overlook gifting us with chocolates, and we feel even worse when we don’t even have boyfriends to give us chocolates on February 14th in the first place.

I myself become a little perturbed each year when the red and green M&M’s of Christmas are replaced with the red and white ones of Valentine’s Day. (I realize my annoyance may partially have to do with the fact that in my adult life, I’ve only received a Valentine from my mother… but still.) The over-the-topness of candy hearts and X’s and O’s get to me because- Why the fuck do we need one day of the year specifically set aside to prove our love for someone?

I don’t know about you, but when I love someone, they know it. I don’t have to cut them out a paper heart or give them a rose for them to know they are the apple of my eye. (Or the cause of the shivers in my drawers) I realize many men (and women) are not comfortable expressing their Love Feelings like I am, and so Valentine’s Day is a perfect oppurtunity to do so. But personally, I would much rather have a big hug and a kiss on any other given day of the year than a dozen red roses (which I hate, because I like daisies, dammit) on Valentine’s Day.

Honestly, wouldn’t the world be a better place if we all put less effort into loving our Beloveds on Valentine’s and tried harder to love them EVERY other day? If they are having a bad day and bitching at you, wouldn’t it be nice to have a little bit of Love saved up in your back pocket to fling at them, instead of bitching back? If flowers are absolutely necessary, wouldn’t it be nice to be original and send them to your Gal on a day when she and everyone at her work are NOT expecting it, for example, D-Day?

To those of you who read my blog, whether it’s repeat offenders or the individual who read it once and was greatly appalled- I hope you have a loverly Valentine’s Day with as much love as you get the whole rest of the year. And just know that I love you all and I’ll be your backup Valentine if you need me to be.

That being said, I  must admit that the sparkliness of the Valentine’s aisle at Walgreen always draws me in. But if anyone feels the necessity of bestowing gifts on me this day, a bag of French fries from McDonald’s would truly prove your love for me. XOXO

P.S. This rant in no way swayed me in writing a Valentine’s greeting to a crush of my choice, which I shall post shortly.

 

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13 Comments

Filed under Beauty, Humor, Life, Love, Religion, Uncategorized

13 responses to “A Valentine’s Day Beheading

  1. Hey! I got you a Valentine! I just have to deliver it 😉 So now I’ll be the second person to give you a Valentine. =) xoxo

  2. I wish I had been feeling better because I’d have sent you a Valentine’s Day package filled with M&Ms all featuring mini pics of Chris Meloni’s boner.

  3. You go, girl! We don’t need Hallmark to tell us when we’re in love! http://wp.me/p1se8R-2ok Great post!

  4. Most excellent Valentine’s Day post, Sparkle. A bag of fries would be delightful right about now – hope you are showered with them today and daisies – there should be lots of daisies.

  5. Gillian Colbert

    Happy Valentines Day, Ms. Sparkle!

  6. Try to love every day? That’s just crazy talk! 😉

    • Seriously. Am I the only one who does it? It certainly seems so.
      Although, if my Rockstar sent me flowers on NOT Valentine’s Day, I’d get home and ask him what he did that he felt bad about, so…

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