Pizza Whore


I have officially graduated to the level of Pizza Whore, because last night I just frickin’ bent over and took it up the ass.

No, I didn’t have sex on the make-table (though there IS a legend that that has happened in my store in the past). I just went to work and had the joy of getting the ass-pounding of my life.

Just so you know, my co-manager Awesome is responsible for the term “ass pounding” when it comes to being so busy you are completely buried with no hopes of a respite.

I may have mentioned that at this point I’m not exactly thrilled to go to work every day. The whole manager thing makes this so. I honestly cannot imagine anyone saying, “Oh yes! Please let me go to work and not make tips and yet be completely responsible for all the shit that could go down! Moniter screens going out? I got that handled. After all, I’m making less than the drivers. Running out of dough? I don’t mind, because I get to wear this awesome little name tag that says manager on it!”

Fuck my life.

It is true when They say (whoever They is) that you can’t go back. I’ve tried. In fact, I’ve begged to go back to just being a server, but since there is no one who can do my job as awesomely as I, I am stuck. So the only option is to find a new job. Is anyone out there looking for a slightly-neurotic , highly-intelligent,Triple-DDD’d chic to shovel shit or lick your kitchen counters clean? Anything that is less detestable than managing Pizza Sluts?

The night couldn’t have started any better. After all, my cook was at least decent enough to supply a doctor’s note when he decided to call in. Luckily, I had the new cook there who doesn’t completely suck that begrudgingly stayed, because he didn’t want me to get ass-fucked. As if that would have helped.

You may have noticed when watching commercials that we have this obnoxious Box Dinner Deal going on. If there is anything decent left you people, you will refrain from ordering these until I have found a new job. Simply because I do not think I can handle running out of prepped dough one more time without taking that giant pizza cutter and slashing my throat with it.

After running out of dough because the entire population of St. Cloud, (and some of St. Joe) called to order a Dinner Box, I was highly distraught when we had 15 MORE orders for the Box Deal on my screen and no dough. (We had no dough because every pan had been prepped ahead of time and we went though it all in less than 2 hours.) I called my boss Frenchie only to have him tell me he couldn’t come in because he took pain meds. I believe my exact words were, “fuck this.” I will be very in touch with my emotions when I say- “I was very ANGRY with my boss. I was very ANGRY with him.”

My blood pressure is rising, so I must desist writing about this for now. Just know that I get to do it all over again tonight and I’m not exactly thrilled about it. But calls to the boss’s boss were made.

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18 Comments

Filed under Humor, Life, Uncategorized, Work

18 responses to “Pizza Whore

  1. Hey, do you deliver to Minneapolis? They ran out of dough here way before you did!!!
    I so get what you meant when you realized your rant was ramping you up, rather than releasing and venting, as blogging should do!!!
    I hate when that happens and I’m often not smart enough to quit while I’m ahead.
    Better luck tonight, Ms Sparkle…
    most important thing to remember – SAVE the SPARKLE!!!
    🙂
    janet (in Minneapolis)

  2. Been there! Done that! Lost count along the way. I know 2 times at Pizza Hut was a quite enough. Sears was the worst. Mid management just sucks.
    Go take some classes on something that makes you want to learn more and try to figure out how you can find a career that can sustain yourself plus a little to a lot more. In the mean time, Maybe Hooters ( I’m not kidding! ). Go see a career councelors at the local JC or Tech, look way outside the box and go for it. You are much too talented to be a pizza pimp.

  3. Speaking as someone who has worked in pizza restaurants a combined total of at least 7 years, the only good job in that place is delivery driver. So get a car, and work somewhere else delivering. Way more money. Money that certain government organizations don’t have to know about.

  4. Hey I just thought of something your not a Pizza whore.
    We should refer to you as,
    Sparklebumps the Pizza PIMP
    Person
    In
    Management
    Position
    Tell those talking monkeys that work for you to go make you your money. Bitches

  5. Ms. Bumps you had me at ” bent over and took it in the ass.” sorry you had a shitty night.
    Just think last night royally sucked tonight can’t be worse. Can it?
    I will know the exact time you read this because right after you do I will feel a smack upside my head and your thousands of miles away.

  6. Deep breaths, deep breaths, deep breaths.

    Now I’d like a large pepperoni and mushroom to go. And could you put a rush on that? I’m starving. Thanks!

  7. We need to open a store that sells only self-published books. I am sure people would buy books from unknown authors if a sexy store manager worked there. We’ll call it “Books and Boobs” or something like that.

  8. Hang in there! Your awesomeness will prevail!

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