A Letter To The IRS

IRS,

If you have noticed, there is no warm and friendly words in my greeting to you. This is mainly due to the fact that you continuously insist on taking all of my hard-earned moneys. I realize that these are hard times fiscally, but given the fact that I have never made over $20,000 in any given year, is it really necessary for you deduct numerous dollars from my tiny paycheck every two weeks? I would understand if I were the only person in the country, but if you add up even $1 or $2 dollars from every person in America bi-weekly, that’s…. well, that’s alot of dough. I really don’t see why you should need more than that from little old Me.

Not only do you faithfully withdraw funds from my paycheck, but you always expect me to pay in every year when I fill out my taxes. Why am I penalized for not having a child, I ask? I hear of so many white and black trash people with multiple childrens who get to go blow $3 or $4 or $5 Thousand dollars every year because they have failed to be responsible and use protection and are clearly much too fertile. I believe that you should think about making a new policy rewarding peoples who DON’T take advantage of your niceties.

I would, however, like to thank you for allowing me to receive $62 on this years tax returns. I am immensely thrilled that I shall be able to buy a tank of gas, a coffee from Caribou, and a stick of gum. Thank you, IRS. Thank you from the bottom of my destitute heart.

I would like to bring to your attention the habit you have of sending unnecessary letters. It is quite obnoxious of you to repeatedly send me letters quoting  the dollar amount I owe you combined with your late fees. By the way, are those fees completely necessary? As if you haven’t raped my wallet enough, you also insist that I bend over to pick up loose change on the ground while you drill me in the ass mercilessly. All I have to say is- Shame on your greedy selves, IRS.

To sum it all up, I would like to point out that I firmly believe that because of your repulsive behaviors in this life, in your next life, you are sure to come back as the mashed pepperoni I stepped on last night that is now completely imbedded in the treads of my non-slip work shoes. So poo on you, you disgusting bastards.

No Regards,

Sparklebumps