I knew something good would come out of having unfiltered thoughts eventually. It’s not like I try to go unfiltered, but unedited thoughts just kind of fall from my brain into my fingers onto the keyboard. (Or if you know me in real life, they fall from my mouth onto unadulterated ears.) Luckily, I have readers who appreciate such openness, like Kana Tyler, who has awarded me with the TMI award. If you are wondering, the explanation for said award is here:
The TMI Blog Award honors those blogs that discuss everything in detail and do it well.
These bloggers aren’t afraid to discuss their most awkward, embarrassing, and intimate experiences with honesty, humor, and little to no filter.
Yeah, that sounds like me.
I must admit- my histrionic personality has a little to do with that. (Or a lot.)
There’s something in the rules for this award stating that I must share an truly embarrassing story in order to accept it. Here is the problem about that.
In my former life, (namely when I was a teen) I was constantly embarrassed by silly trivial things that I had no business being embarrassed about. Since then, I have come to realize that I sport a “c’est la vie” attitude most of the time, which inhibits me from feeling embarrassment at the proper times. So, instead, I shall share an intimate experience with you. (I suppose some would think I should be embarrassed about this- I shall let you judge.)
Once upon a time, I worked in a department store that employed a fun and sexy maintanance man. When he was not mopping up mud puddles and sucking up dirt with his industrial-sized vacuum, he was flirting shamelessly with EVERY female employee in the store, regardless of looks. When he started working there, he was dating three different women, who supposedly knew each other.
I began to think of this maintanance man as my Work Husband, since we spoke frequently and flirted even more frequently. At the time, the demise of my marriage was impending, and one Saturday my Work Husband and I got together and did It. I had to quickly gather my drawers and brassiere when he got a call from one of his girlfriends saying she was on her way over.
Considering my stellar nookie skillz, it was no surprise when my Maintanance Man requested a replay. We worked out a nookie schedule based off of the lack of nookie we were both receiving in our relationships at the time, which seemed to work out perfectly. Whoever said friends with benefits doesn’t work obviously just doesn’t know.
Moving on.
After I left my hubby, I received increased calls from my Maintanance Man, however, he was engaged to one of the three girls now, and I had my Rockstar, so I desisted. I warned him not to get married. (Not because I abhor marriage, mind you, but I told him that if he was not content with the sex from his future wife BEFORE they got married, he certainly wouldn’t be content with it after.) The dummy did it anyway, and called me two days after returning from his honeymoon, asking for a Sparklebumps-style screw. I informed him that if he wasn’t going to listen to my wisdoms, then he was shit out of luck. (I also told him that she deserved at least a chance to satisfy his strong sexual urges.) He was saddened, and contact with him was non-existant for awhile. I still get texts from him occassionally, and he is more than willing to share the love. I am content now, and so I shall continue to disappoint him. However, I accidentally had a dream about a menage-e’-trois that included me, the Maintanance Guy, and his beautiful wife just the other night. You have no idea how badly I wanted to text him and ask if her nipples were as sensitive as she said they were in my dream…
So I hope that story is satisfactorily intimate and entertaining. I am now supposed to nominate other bloggers with similiar traits. Look to the right of my page and click on a link, because I am quite certain if you look hard enough, everyone on my blogroll has had an embarrassing story to tell at some point. XOXO
Sparklebumpsthebookwhore 