The End of Abuse


I have a confession to make.

I’ve been in an abusive relationship for the past 16 years.

In the beginning, I couldn’t see it, despite the fact that I had my friends and loved ones urging me to open my eyes and see the truth. I began questioning my self-worth when my damaging relationship constantly reminded me I had a weight problem. I had nowhere to turn when several of my aquaintances began ridiculing me about my weight.

I tried to stop the abuse, exercising endlessly, trying to lose the disgusting poundage that caused me to hang my head in shame when out in public. It mattered not. I lost 37 pounds, and was still told I was fat. It was only later that I found out I was being lied to, when the fact that I had only 88 pounds on my 5’3″ frame was staring me in the face.

It’s gotten better, on and off, in more recent years.

As in most relationships, I’ve noticed I receive better feedback when I’m stark naked. When I’m wearing clothes, I’m reminded, “You’re fat! You’re ass is the size of Manitoba and if you go out in public in that, people will be gawking at you in disgust!” There are a few good days, though. Usually, it’s in the morning when I’m commended- “You’re doing better today. That 1200 calorie coffee you had yesterday hasn’t plastered itself on your ass just yet. Keep it up.”  On those days, my confidence is elevated, and nothing can touch me. It lasts, though, only as long as I can restrain myself from snarfing down that large french fry from Mickey D’s, or until the 12 glasses of water I drank completely bloat me. Then it’s back to- “Yeah. You weigh the same as 4 ten-year-olds full off of Doritoes and Ding Dongs, you slob. You might as well park your fat ass in the back of a two-wheel drive F-150 so it doesn’t fish-tail during a rainstorm.”

This morning, I decided enough was enough.

No longer will I subject myself to such hurtfulness. No. I will never have the sleek and slim form that graced Audrey Hepburn. I cannot let another 16 years go by with the voices saying, “Just hurry up and die, you repulsive tub of lard. Make room for someone more worthy.” I will no longer be controlled by one with such cruel and malicious intentions.

It’s time to throw the bathroom scale away.

 

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11 Comments

Filed under Beauty, Humor, Life, Uncategorized

11 responses to “The End of Abuse

  1. Ben

    Make a ritual of it, preferably with a sledgehammer 🙂
    Agreed that it’s how you feel, your energy, how your clothes fit you, your confidence in your own awesomeness that matter much more than numbers on scale

  2. I am glad you are on your way to realizing what I have been telling you since we met! You are B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L just the way you are!!!

  3. You are awesome inside. At least, from what I saw of that webcam service you’re on. Ha ha!

  4. Awesome post! Scales S*CK! It’s what’s inside that counts and you are CHOCK FULL OF FABULOUS!

  5. amen sista! This was so inspiring, and something I needed to hear. I really admire your ability to be open and honest- keep on fighting the good fight xo

  6. I come from a long line of “big” people, who have been telling me my whole life that I look like “a scarecrow” or “the walking dead.” The thing is that I actually thought it was funny that I could eat all the same “down home” foods they did and not gain a pound. But then two things happened…

    First I developed a serious problem with depression and tried to “self-medicate” my way out of it, resulting in my becoming addicted to stimulants. Talk about looking like “a scarecrow” and “the walking dead.” I so totally did for a while there!

    Then I discovered that I hadn’t entirely escaped the “big” family problems after all either. Apparently there are freaks of nature, like me, who can develop all the same “side-effect” illnesses normally associated with obesity – like diabetes, high blood pressure, and heart disease – without showing any of the outward signs you might expect!

    I guess what I’m trying to say is that, in the end, the only thing that matters is what you think of yourself. No person, or THING, can make you love the person you see looking back from the mirror. That comes only from the actions you take, over time, that prove you are a person worthy of the only love that counts – your own… 😕

  7. Never watch the scale…pay attention to your energy…how you view yourself is reflected in how others view you…TOSS OUT THE SCALE 🙂

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