Who I’d Be if I Wasn’t Me

This may come as a surprise to you all, but because of the relationships I’ve had, I am somewhat more edited than I otherwise would be. I am also still alive, when I probably otherwise wouldn’t be, so I suppose that’s a good thing.  I will explain.

I will admit that there have been many choices in my style throughout the year that my Rockstar and my Ex have not fully approved of. (Namely, my rainbow of hair color choices) This was just me being me while still trying to maintain their interest in me. Here is the funny thing- I tend to be in relationships with men who lean toward the more conservative side. I do not know why this is, but I will say that if I had dyed my hair Wildfire orange when I was still married, my Ex would have been greatly appalled, whereas the reaction from my Rockstar was only slight disappointment. I was thinking about it the other day, and have come up with a list of ways I would be vastly different if I had been going through life unattatched.

Firstly, I would probably have pink hair.

Or purple hair.

Or blue hair.

Or rainbow colored hair.

There really are just so many beautifully bright choices!

I would have had braids.

Or cornrows.

Or a fauxhawk. (I suppose I did technically have one of these. Of course I pulled it off.)

And then no hair at all. (Because I have a nicely-shaped head.)

Moving on from my skull…

I definitely would have a nose ring. (Because I have a very cute nose that begs to be blinged out.)

And a tongue ring.

And perhaps a clit piercing. (No, you don’t get a picture of that! This one is a maybe, because my clit really needs no more stimulation than it already gets.)

I probably would have had nipples rings at some point, but would have taken them out by now.

And oh the tattoes I would have!

I would surely have a giant backpiece of…

a tiger!

Or a cross!

Or a road map! (In case someone needed directions)

There would be that one very not-well-thought-out quote from Def Leppard that reminds us that “love bites”.

There would also be a swarm of butterflies flitting across my entire body.

Dr. Suess quotes? There would be many.

And perhaps a giant “American” tattoe across my belly. (To help identify my heritage when I was found dead in Brazil)

Of course there would be a little scattering of lipstick marks tattoed down the side of my neck. (Because who WOULDN’T want to kiss me there?)

Sadly, I am terrified of needles, so even if my significant other did not despise tattoes so, I mayn’t ever have any of these wonderful creations.

As far as the mental aspect of my life?

I would probably be living in Nevada working at the Bunny Ranch right now if I had never met my Rockstar.

Or going through life as a heroin-hooked Dumpster Junkie.

Or living in a padded cell talking to the extra voices in my head.

Basically, if it weren’t for the men I’ve had in my life, I’d be a hairless, multi-pierced, tattoed insane junkie whore.

Thank you, my men.

(I’d probably have a sweet book deal based on my life, though.)