Daily Archives: July 11, 2012

Reverand Mother Sparklebumps


I think I forgot to mention how I have always had a subconcious urge to be a nun. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that, when I was younger, I believed all nuns burst into songs while climbing mountaintops, or perhaps its my deep and abiding yearning to help the helpless. (I also think it would be pretty cool to wear a habit, because black and white would go with most of my shoes.) Sadly, because I am not Catholic, and do not have a deep devotion to the Catholic beliefs, (and because I posses an excessively strong sex drive) I shall have to forego being a nun.

Too, it would be hard to compete with the Ultimate Nun- Mother Theresa. She is truly one of my heroes, because anyone who devotes themselves so selflessly to others is just really amazing to me.

That being said, I have always wanted to own an orphanage, (even though they don’t technically exist in the U.S. anymore) or a half-way house for junkies and whores, or a shelter for homeless people. I also thought it would be lovely to own a home where people who are alone and don’t have anyone would be able to come and live, so that they could get hugs daily and never have to cry because they are lonely.

‘Tis true that there are times I would like to be alone. But I believe that is mostly due to the fact that I do not have the  5 boys I wanted running around like hoodlums. I do have a brother who is lonely, and I know there are at least two little girls at church who need adoption. (Not to mention numerous third world country children who need a mommy.) My Gramma and Gramps also need caring for, but I’m not quite sure how they would feel about living in a communal setting with a bunch of orphans and loners.

The question is, would it be outlandish for me to make this thought a reality? I surely wouldn’t want the Sparklebumps’ House of Hugs to be viewed as a freakish hippy or incestuous commune like we those nude beaches and those almost-Mormon institutions. I just want a place where I can say, “Come on down to MY house if you need a hug, or a friend, or some candy!” (Oh, yes. There would always be candy.) It seems like everyone had a good old time at Hogwarts, so I don’t see how people could NOT want to come live at my house….Of course, I wouldn’t have Quidditch, so there’s always the possibility of disappointment, I guess.

P.S. If you need a friend, or some sparkly advice, or a virtual booby squish, you need only ask. XOXO

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