I’m Still Here (Until I Go to S.D., At Least)


Hello, my Lovelys! It’s been an eternity since you’ve heard from me, I know. (Or at least it feels like it has been, doesn’t it?) It has been said, (at least by some) that I am a woman of power, yet even some things are not within my power to control. (Such as blogging daily as you all wish I would.) However, I know there are at least two of you out there who are truly devoted fans, and so I shall endeavor to make time to entertain you all with my sometimes above-average writings.

Once upon a time, last September, a girl known as Sparklebumps began an online diary of sorts. She entertained the online community daily with her accounts of everyday life in a used bookstore, until sadly one day, her online slander was discovered by her turd of a boss who felt it necessary to try and squash her happiness by firing Sparklebumps from her perfect job as a Book Pimp. Since then, she has slaved away in a less-than-joy-inducing profession, all the while longing of the day when she will once again be surrounded by the written word on a daily basis in some setting other than her over-filled-with-books apartment with her Rockstar.

While her love of books was the intended subject of her Lovely blog, her roller-coaster relationship with her ginger-haired Rockstar soon became a close second in the race for subject superiority. While at times, Sparklebumps’ stories of almost-marital sometimes-non-bliss have caused readers to hold their hands to their breasts in heart-wrenching pity, there is no longer need of such, for her Rockstar has once and for all proven his undying love for his eccentric and sparkly mate.

One day, last week, while Sparklebumps sat pining for the feel of her Rockstar’s junk inside her, she received a text from the grassy plains of South Dakota where he was hangin’ with his fam. The text was accompanied by a picture, that of a perfect somewhat-homely-yet-endearing bookstore that was for sale. It seemed as though her Rockstar missed her enough to be thinking about Sparklebumps and her imminent happiness, and so had (perhaps unintentionally) found a place for her dreams to come true.

The bookstore comes complete with three apartments above, sufficient for housing Sparklebumps and her Beloveds. There is room, too, for the Rockstar to have his very own musical recording studio, and to pursue his own dreams as a Rockstar to millions, and not only his girlfriend. Upon further cogitation, Sparklebumps realizes that South Dakota is perhaps not the ideal location for a lucrative book business, but has also realized that if purchased, will give her the ample time necessary to compose the many books that are written in her head that the world is waiting with baited breath for.

There is one small issue that arises. Businesses for sale cost dollars, and cannot be paid for with hugs and booby squishes. While Sparklebumps has no doubt of her business’s success, she also has no source of accruing $94,000 dollars with which to buy it. And so, she appeals to the online bloggery for ideas on how to achieve monetary success, and asks their opinions on her idea of placing a paypal donation button on her blog. If such a thing were to be done, be assured that all donations would be compensated with stories and writings of the donatee’s choosing subject matter. XOXO

P.S. Just sending a shout-out to any wealthy benefactors that may have been entertained by my slightly neurotic blog in days past.

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3 Comments

Filed under Books, Humor, Life, Money, Uncategorized, Work

3 responses to “I’m Still Here (Until I Go to S.D., At Least)

  1. I’d love to help, but I’m so broke, I can’t spend the night, or pay attention.

  2. If that all works, that is perfect. As for making a ton of money, I can think of one way, but in this case I think that way would be self-defeating.

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