It seems that I am feeling inspired today, and have enough time and energy to actually write a post or two. (Whether said posts are worthy of attention is yet to be answered.) As I was looking through my American Dictionary of the English Language, (Yes, ok? I like to look through my dictionary. It makes me feel clever) I began ruminating in my head over the words that truly disgust and disturb me. I am safe in saying that I am not the only person who is appalled by tokens of the English language, as some of the very words that offend me make some aquaintances too feel the need to whip out their Air-sickness bags. Here are just a few off of the top of my head:
Slice- This word automattically makes a chill run down my back every time it’s spoken, and not in a good way. I’m not certain, but I think the excessive “sssss” syllables has something to do with it. No, I do not “slice” my meat, nor would I ever say that I “sliced” my finger open in a freak accident, because it sounds as though there would be no finger left if I did. “Slicing” is reserved for serial killers who dismember their victims. It is also very disturbing when every person I ask to refrain from using this word around me proceeds to say, “Slice! Slice! Slice!” in a homicidal sing-song voice.
Moist- Ugh. Just typing this word makes the bile rise in my throat. While most persons would want to enjoy a “moist” piece of meat with their dinner, the very thought of such is enough to put me off ANY kind of dinner for the time being. I am also greatly offended when the female crotchal area is referred to as being “moist”. People, let this disgusting word roll off of your tongue once or twice and you will begin to see how abhorrent it is.
Cum- This one may surprise you all, given my affinity for all things sexual. Let me point out, it is not necessarily the word that so great displeases me, but rather the spelling as referred to above. If a man were to tell me he was “going to come in my face”, I would gladly lift my facial orb to the ensuing Man Shower. But if he were to state that he was “going to cum”, I would grab his junk and squeeze with all my might while yelling at him to “SAY IT RIGHT!!!!!!” Perhaps it is the scholar in me that is so disgruntled by the incorrect spelling of a word, or perhaps I just find it crass that an orgasm has it’s own spelling. Either way, if I see you spelling it wrong, there will be blood.