It’s Time to Kick Some Monk Ass


Forgive me for my absence, my Lovelys, there’s really no excuse. Unless, you count the three 15 hour days I worked last week. And the Catholic wedding I had to play piano for. Oh, and the many monk nightmares I’ve had in the past week. Let me explain about that one.

So remember how I mentioned walking through the amazing and scenic campus of St. John’s University. Yeah. Nevermind about that. Those days will forever be a distant memory.

The day after our last jaunt through St. John’s, I was having a carefree conversation with a coworker and he mentioned to me that he was once a student at St. John’s Prepatory School. We were discussing the tiny Prayer Chapel that is situated alongside the lake and how it was quite a trek through the wooded pathways to get to it and find there was nothing but two chairs and a pregnant Mary statue within. My coworker then dropped the bomb that a student once hung himself within those very walls- because he was being molested by a monk at the school. I asked what punishment the monk received for such rancid behaviour, and my coworker shrugged and said, “Not much. Don’t you know? St. John’s is well-known for the monks taking advantage of the students and nothing ever being done about it. There’s a whole website dedicated to it.” He went on to with a story that when a monk is accused of heinous behavior such as molestation and the like, he is not jailed or stoned, (as he should be), but instead is forced to live in the many basements of the Abbey LOCATED ON CAMPUS and not allowed to have contact with students.

While I cannot yet deny or confirm whether this last part of the story is true, (as several people I’ve mentioned it to are convinced my coworker was pulling my leg) I CAN confirm that there IS a website dedicated to the many many victims of monkish molestation. While the complainants remain anonymous, the accused do not. The website comes complete with pictures of these disgusting pervs and lists of their many sins and disgraces. While I do not necessarily know what physical traits molesters have, I can assure you that as I clicked on each new offender, a chill of disturbance flowed through my body at the sight of their general creepiness. My Rockstar and I read through the entire website, growing increasingly bothered. ( I am certain the 100 Proof Southern Comfort I was drinking did nothing to help the situation.)

After getting our fill of repugnance at such abominations and the fact that nothing is being done about it, I tried to slumber. Yeah fuckin’ right. Do you know? I had chilling dreams of monks (who are supposed to be the servants of God) taking advantage of young innocent kids who look to these people for guidance. Needless to say, there wasn’t much sleep going on that night.

I realize this is nothing new to the Catholic church, nor is the covering up of such behaviors. I hear the Catholic Church is a powerful entity, and it’s probably not a good idea to fuck with them. But you know what? Bring it on, Pope! Because I am fucking furious. Not only have many lives been forever tainted by these monks and their ridiculous No-Sex policies that they obviously cannot deal with, but my perfect walks with my family will now forever be blackened by thoughts that some kid is probably getting ass-raped in the building I’m walking by. So fine. Nothing is being done about it? Then nothing should be done about it when I just go ahead and beat the living shit out of these fuckers. Who’s comin’ with?

P.S. If you all want to see what has so greatly disturbed and enraged me, go HERE

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4 Comments

Filed under God, Life, Religion, Sex, Uncategorized

4 responses to “It’s Time to Kick Some Monk Ass

  1. Edward Hotspur

    They don’t realize that the coverups give the church a bad name. Publicizing this would only give the molesters a bad name.

  2. Let’s skip the middleman. If you want to come, we’ll grab that Inquisition-recycler in Rome and use his silly hat to beat some sense of responsibility into him. Oh, and you can have his red shoes when we’re finished.

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