30 Days- Day 1


I see what you people are doing! I see it! A 30 day challenge! I can do it too! It just might be a 60 day challenge. But that would be very good of me to actually finish something. So here we go.

Question 1. Five things to win my heart.

Ooh, boy. This is a toughy. Not because I have a heart of stone, but because there are many more than five things that would make someone win my heart. It may actually be easier to pick five things that WOULDN’T win my heart.

1. Money.

I don’t give a shit about money. And I won’t love you ’cause you buy me a castle. But I will sleep with you.

2. Assholery.

If you are nice to me, and are a giant buttface to the girl who brings us french fries, I’m not sorry to say that I won’t love you.

3. Giant penises.

From my experience, the mens with smaller Junk are better in bed and try harder. Giant penises are just bigger funky looking things. If I had a third boob, would you want it to be big? Ok, nevermind.

4. Obssession with something other than me.

I’m aright with you playing Resident Evil 7 for 13 hours straight if you fuck my brains out with just as much energy afterward. I also don’t have a problem with you watching the Vikings game if I’m sitting on your naked lap for most of it. I! ME! I’m more interesting that Adrien Petersen, although he does look very fun in his shiny pantalone’s.

5. Lazy Bum Syndrome.

I’m all about coming home from work and vegging out in front of Sex and the City with a drink in my hand (I LOOOVE that song!) , but really, you should go to work in the first place.

Ok, I think that’s about it for now, but don’t worry. I’ll finish the challenge.

P.S. I was completely drunk on 99 Grapes when I wrote this post, so shut up. But I love you!

 

Advertisements

3 Comments

Filed under Humor, Life, Love, Uncategorized

3 responses to “30 Days- Day 1

  1. I guess I wouldn’t win your heart, because I have a huge enormous giant obsession with someone other than you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s