Presenting “Wordy and Rambling”


I was bored on my drive home today, so I decided to scroll through my phone and text random people I still have phone numbers for but are better left forgotten. (Clearly, I pay no heed to the “No texting while driving” law. Mind you, I make sure there are no vehicles within crashing distance of me, so if I cause an accident, it is only I who shall perish.)

Me: *Scroll scroll scroll* “Oh! Angry homicidal ex-lover! Let’s just say hey!”

(For the record, he was homicidal not toward me, but to people that made him angry, namely his at-the-time newly exed wife. He was probably one of the more well-read people I’ve known in life, but showed sociopathic tendencies- as in he cared not a bit about people’s feelings.)

This is how our text convo read:

Me: Hey

Him: Who is this? (Apparently he obeyed when I told him to delete my number.)

Me: Sparkle

Him: Oh… what’s up?

Me: Nothing. You should read my blog. (I am not above a little shameless self promotion)

Him: I did one time. I found it wordy and rambling.

OH yes. I remember exactly now why he and I would never have worked out. He was highly arrogant and hoity-toity, and found my lack of desire for money to be disturbing. The fact that I never did attend college also did not sit well with him. Continuing on.

Him: I didn’t mean to be mean; I just kept wanting you to get to the point. I got bored. It was like Sex and the City with no sex. (Clearly, he didn’t read much.) Sorry.

Me: Don’t be sorry, it’s your opinion.

It IS his opinion. I cannot help it if he is slightly retarded and has the wrong one.

I will admit that I am completely and utterly babbling most of the time.  I began this blog not knowing what my direction was going to be; should I post fiction, or my opinions, or try to write something grandly inspiring and emboldening? Should I channel my inner humor goddess and post only laugh-inducing entries? Being the Libra that I am, I was unable to make a decision, and decided to just write whatever I felt like writing. No rules, no boundaries. In the end, it has served me well. I have been asked to write a short story for charity and to be a guest writer on someone else’s blog; I have had several readers write posts about me, and I have had many people assure me that I am at least a little bit entertaining.

Let me point out- I do not understand what it is that’s entertaining one bit. The closest thing I’ve gotten to answer is that people have said my realness and unconventional musings are what make me amusing. That’s more than enough for me.

I appreciate every single one of the people who have even clicked on a link that bears my web address. I appreciate more the people who have actually read what they were presented with. Every person who has commented or pressed the “like” button deserved a booby squish, and I would cover every follower with kisses if it were humanly possible.

Well, now that I’ve rambled on so that you are sufficiently bored, there will be no more carrying on. No excessive words. No gimmicky babbling. To he who I have permanently deleted from my phone and my mind, let me just get to the point:

You can suck it, you imperious unfeeling douchebag. I pity the fact that you will not be treated to the entertaining posts I present. You are not worthy to lick the gum off of my satiny ruffled stillettos, and the sex wasn’t that good. So there. XOXO

P.S. I realize that wasn’t very mature; but I never said I was.

 

3 Comments

Filed under Entertainment, Humor, Life, Sex, Uncategorized

3 responses to “Presenting “Wordy and Rambling”

  1. Booby Squishes! And he’s a wrinkly ball sack.

  2. I read *Validation* first, then this. They’re both the same story. He don’t know what he’s missing. Sparkle on!

  3. pharphelonus

    satiny ruffled stilletos? nice

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