I Can Be German, Sure


Once upon a time, a wonderful blogger named Pharphelonus from Playing with Words is Fun nominated a babbling mess of a woman for the Leibster Awards. While this was not the first time she had been the recipient of this award, she graciously accepted it anyway, and virtually sent a booby squish to he who bequeathed it to her. Because she was much to lazy to explain in her own words the meaning of such an award, she copied and pasted (and edited it to her own satisfaction) the definition of this amazing gift:

Liebster (pronounced: leeb-stir) is a German word meaning sweetest, kindest, nicest, dearest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing and welcome. (Why thank you! I am flattered that you believe my blog is all these wonderful descriptions. You have only got one wrong- the “welcome”. Because, in fact, YOU, dear readers are welcome. XOXO)  The Liebster Blog Award recognizes up and coming bloggers and winners are asked to “pay it back and forward.”  The award is given to those bloggers who have less than 200 followers. (Technically, I have more followers than that, but we needn’t be bothered with minute detail, do we?)

The Rules for the Liebster Award are as follows:

  • Link back to the blogger who gave you this award
  • Post the award to your blog
  • Post 11 things about yourself.
  • Answer the questions asked of you, plus create 11 new questions for your nominees to answer
  • Nominate 11 people you think deserve the award and link them to your post.
  • Go to their pages and tell them they have been chosen.

Having done the linkage to the amazing Pharphelonus who’s blog I didn’t realize I wasn’t following (that has been rectified, my Lovely) I shall proceed on with the trivia of myself:

1. I have tiny hands.

While I have never considered my phalanges and carpal parts to be small, it has come to my attention very recently (as in, last night at work) that they are indeed of the miniature sort. My coworkers were questioning my judgement in ordering Small gloves for our supply, when I proved to them there was at least one person who could don such dwarfish accessories. (That would be me.) Despite the ability of my hands to fit into kid-sized gloves, my ring finger will not admit any jewelry that is smaller than a 9. This gives them sufficient  power to poke attackers eyes out or to manually pleasure myself at any given time.

2. I am computer-illiterate.

You would think that an individual who writes a blog would be tech savvy, buy nay, it is a sad fact that I cannot set up a new computer on my own, whether it was I that bought it or my rockstar. (He was very disappointed in me.)

3. My first favorite color was red.

I recall a time long ago when I was five where I was proud to announce that my favorite color was red. (And that I hated pink.) It seems I misused this wonderful primary color to the point of exhaustion, because I have never felt the same adoration for it since.

4. To me, the artist known again as Prince is approaching Celestial status.

I’d admire any 5′ 2″ 90 pound man who wears stillettos and creates massive amounts of music. (I’ll admit I don’t like all of it, but still) The fact that he lives in the same state as me also adds to his mystery.

5. I love to sing, and have been writing songs in my head since childhood.

It is questionable as to whether my singing voice is worthy of fame, but my Rockstar has yet to yell “Shut the fuck up!” while we’re cruising around in his car. The odd thing is until I was about 20, my singing voice was buried under a heavy coat of self-consciousness. But then I realized Cyndi Lauper sounded like shit and was still awesome, so I thought, “What the hell?”

6. I could be a vegetarian very easily.

I get through eating meat by not thinking about the fact that whatever I’m eating pooped and had a face. I prefer the taste of freshly steamed broccoli to the taste of a butchered cow anyway, but to keep from seeming arrogant or supercilious, I will on occasion snarf down a couple pounds of steak in one sitting.

7. I must be barefoot.

This may seem strange coming from a girl who spends her spare dollars on stillettos and patent-leather wedges, but once the shoes come off, there is no putting on of socks. Ish.

8. I was supposed to be a Victoria’s Secret model.

Except they keep hiring the tall, lanky chics who need to wear push-up bras to enhance what they have. Just think how much padding they’d save if they’d just hire me….

9. When I was younger, I aspired to be like Audrey Hepburn. Alas, it seems I have become a Marylin Monroe instead. Or at least, that’s what people tell me.

10. I always wanted to drive a Zamboni.

When I was fifteen, the pastor’s son made a joke about being a Zamboni driver when he grew up. I have since then always thought that was a grand idea.

11. I cannot swim.

I may have mentioned this in the past, but despite having my own gigantic floating devices attatched to the front of me, I sink like a rock.

Now on to what other people want to know about me:

1. Who is your life hero, or person you most admire, and why?

If we are talking about real life people, I would say my Auntie, because she is nice to everyone and has her own business doing what she loves, and is 60, yet still acts like she’s a mature 23. She will never say no to anyone if they need help.

2. If you had one chance to go back and say “yes” to something you said “no” to in life, what would it be?

My used-to-be-friend and I were going to leave everything here and move to Colorado (for some reason I don’t remember). We didn’t go because I changed my mind and wanted to stay here with the person who would become my ex-husband. Look how well that turned out.

3. If money was no concern, would you consider plastic surgery to make you look younger?

It’s called pigtails and attitude. Why would I waste money on pain when people already adore me and there are shoes to buy?

4. Are you inspired more by people you like, and want to be like, or people you detest and want to be better than?

Well, I’m already better than the people I detest, so they are no inspiration to me. And to be honest, I don’t want to be like anyone else. I just want to be me.

5. What arrogant, but silly contradiction in people annoys you most (mine is petty as hell: people who order a wedge of lemon as “dressing” for a salad in a restaurant, then go lay in the sun all afternoon)?

Fat people ordering Diet Coke. (Although, I could probably be considered one of them.)

6. Mountain cabin or beach house, and why?

A Castle. In a mountain cabin, there is danger of a bear coming to maul you in the night. In a beach house, you’re likely to be swept away in a hurricane. In a castle? You can be a princess that sends flaming arrows down on attackers.

7. Your dream cruise would take you to ________, and why?

I would never dream of going on a cruise. Way too many people. I dream of taking a road trip to wherever with the person of my choosing and an MP3 player with 4000 awesome songs.

8. If you were going to be stuck in an elevator with one person for 6 hours, and you got to pick the person without them knowing you picked them, who would you choose, and why? Also, would you tell them, while stranded, that you are the reason they are the one in the elevator with you?

Again, my amazing Auntie. Because 6 hours of conversations is just us getting started.

9. Is there a person in your life you willingly admit things to that you could never tell your spouse?

Yes. It’s called the internet. My blog is the vessel.

10. Favorite fruit?

Starburst

11. It’s 1 p.m. on a weekday and you get a visit from God, and you have no doubt it is legit. He tells you you will die suddenly in 24 hours. How do you spend those 24 hours?

First of all, why would God show up at 1PM? And honestly, if God came and said I’m gonna die in 24 hours, I’d say, “What the hell, Dude? Take me now.” And I’d be yelling “Hoo-fuckin-rah, mothafuckers!” all the way to the pearly gates.

As for the rest of the rules, once again I must admit that I am too lazy to be doing all that linking and notifying, and so I will just tell you to check out anyone who has ever “liked” one of my posts, or commented on my blog. Because obviously, they are very smart peoples. XOXO

Advertisements

4 Comments

Filed under Family, Friendship, God, Humor, Life, Love, Uncategorized

4 responses to “I Can Be German, Sure

  1. Pingback: “Lieb”-erate Me | sparklebumpsthebookwhore

  2. pharphelonus

    Love it. Thanks for playing! But again with the boobs? LOL

  3. I had lots of fun reading this! There’s just one thing–on a post about the good things in life, how could you omit bacon and chocolate?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s