On one of my many jaunts through the delightful space called TJ Maxx, I came across the most amazing of books. 642 Things To Write About is a blogger’s greatest treasure. No longer will I waste time pondering what entertaining paragraphs I shall type on a day unfilled with inspiration. Instead, I will open up my handy-dandy book of writing ideas and randomly choose one that strikes my fancy. As all the best things begin with me, I feel it only right to begin this writing journey by choosing an idea that will fully illustrate the enigma that is me. The idea I chose for today was thus phrased: Write two descriptions of yourself for an online dating service. First, be the kind of girl who’d be taken home to meet the mother. Then try a hot, sexy version. This shall be fun…
#1. Young 30-something woman looking for love and the perfect person to raise gorgeous children with. Intelligent, witty, and caring. I will always kiss you goodnight and try my hardest to cook beautiful meals for you, though I cannot guarantee that they will always turn out. It’s A Wonderful Life is my favorite movie, because I long to have a family exactly like George Bailey’s. I play piano for my Grandma’s church, and write in my spare time. I am in charge of a restaurant, but one day hope to become a published author so I can stay home and read to my babies. I haven’t the face of a Boticelli angel, but people have told me I’m very pretty. If you envision growing old with someone and sitting on a front porch somewhere drinking iced tea in your old age with her, I just might be it.
(Ok, not that that’s done, on to the fun.)
#2 Are you looking for lust in all the wrong places? Look no further, because here I am! 5’3″, DDD, and an ass that has been described as “perfect for anything”, I’m a girl who’s always ready for a good time, and I won’t say no to any requests (other than ones that include bodily fluids.) If you prefer a taller chic, no problem. My many stilettos help me out in that area! Looking to tie a girl up? Just the thought of it makes me hot. Wanna be tied up? I’ll make you beg. I’m intelligent enough I’ll even play chess with you after we’re done. Strip poker is my game of choice, though I must warn you that I’m excellent at it, so wear extra layers. Blowjobs are one of my favorite past times, and I will swallow if you ask nicely. If I disappoint you in anyway, please feel free to administer spankings until I learn what your desires are. I’ve been described as “gorgeous”, “pretty” and “funny”. I am a writer; I write a lot of things, but erotica seems to be my favorite these days. I’ll bake for you in nothing other than my apron, and you’ll thank me for it later. As an extra bonus, I just happen to like girls too, so invite that hottie you’ve been checking out over. A forewarning- I might not share her. You know you wanna, so just call me, already. XOXO
Sparklebumpsthebookwhore 
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Checkmate!
“I’m intelligent enough I’ll even play chess with you when we’re done…” Totally hilarious! Truly fun read 🙂
That means a lot coming from a humor columnist! Thanx! XOXO
You do realize that second one wouldn’t get any responses. Too good to be true doesn’t get replies (I would know ;-)).
I promise there is no fibbing in either of my ads.. I guess I’m just too good to be true.
I guess you know you are in life when you read both of these and while the second one sounds fun and amazing, the first one sounds like a dream.
Don’t get me wrong. I plan on being just as horny when I’m sitting in my rocking chair drinking iced tea. My kids just don’t have to know about it….