Daily Archives: January 8, 2013

Mad As A Scientist


I found a wonderful new website which supplies me with writing prompts. While I long to be original and creative, sometimes my brain is simply overworked and that cannot always be. These are the instances when I need a little push, push. (Insert Cinderella music here)

So the prompt that appealed to me was- If you were a mad scientist and could cure one disease, what would it be and why?

Let me don my lab coat (which has nothing underneath) and my specs. Ok, here we go.

I would cure….. stupidity.

What’s that you say? Stupidity is not a disease? I beg to differ infinite.

No, it is not a fatal disease, unless at some point I am given permission to put the Stupids out of their misery; then, oh yes. There will be blood.
Stupidity, like a cancer, eats away at brainflesh. Not only the sanity of those who suffer from it, but also those who come in direct and prolonged contact with said people. Left to run rampant. it causes even the most patient and even-tempered of individuals to hold their heads in agony and scream, “WHY?! WHY, LORD WHY?!” at the heavens. Having done this exact thing at work on a daily basis, I am physical proof that stupidity does not only affect those afflicted.

Just a few of the symptoms of stupidity are: swerving while driving because of various forms of cell phone use, choosing to wear extensively smaller sizes of clothes than one should with the thought that they will make you look skinnier, not doing what smarter than you people (like me) tell you to do, yelling at a friend because you do not approve of her boyfriend because he rejected you long ago, getting engaged to a woman while continuing to fuck other women- the list is endless.

It is true that we should have sympathy for those who have contracted this horrible disease; I believe we should even supply housing for them. Does it not seem a good idea to round up all the Stupids and herd them into a quarantined space so as not to have their sickness affect the rest of us? We’ve done it to the Crazies, and that seemed to work. (Although I honestly believe that electric shock treatment would be more beneficial to the Stupids.)

So yes, it is very clear to me that if ever I become a mad scientist, my duty shall be to cure Stupidity. Now where’s my shotgun?

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