Sap

I have been described as excessively emotional.

I do not deny that this fact could be accurate.

It’s true that the viewing of any movie where an adorable and innocent fur person (mainly the family dog) will cause me to sob uncontrollably and sulk around for days after or that I will fly into a rage if the Guess shoes I found on clearance last week when I had no dollars are purchased by some asshole who has a higher paying job than I. Luckily, because I so often heard “Quit crying or I’ll give you something to cry about!” as I was growing up, I have succeeded in at least partially bridling my feelings long enough to run into a bathroom stall or seek solace in the cab of my yellow truck before screaming to the heavens “Shitfuckdamnpisshell!!!!!!!!!!” when I’ve once again realized the fuckin’ IRS took money out of my account without first consulting me.

Surprisingly, as tempermental (I prefer the word passionate) as I can be, I have absolutely zero tolerance for others of the same disposition. When a dead Patrick Swayze would be glowing and whisper lovingly “Ditto” to a then-adorable Demi Moore in Ghost, my ex-hubby would emit a strangled sob and pretend he had something in his eye; all the while, I would tease him mercilessly about what a sap he was, though I was secretly hoping if I ever came to an untimely death, I too would be allowed to use Whoopi Goldberg’s body at will. When my employees at work become distraught over customer relations (or relations with each other) I instantly tune them out and tell them to “shut the fuck up.” Perhaps it is the fact that they are at work, and have a job to do that makes my patience non-existant, but I cannot explain my harsh teasing of those who cry for completely valid reasons.

I was looking through Youtube today for various musical videos with which to waste my time, when I realized that music is the one thing to which I fully and definitely support emotional diahrrea. I realize not every person connects with music as I do, but no matter the language- if a musician or singer is actually talented, you can almost completely understand what it is they are meaning to get across. (Or, in Taylor Swift’s case, her lack of talent gets across that someone should pummel her in the head so she can cease thinking up lyrics that are “never ever ever never” awesome.)

‘Tis true that PMS and other uncontrollable life factors may contribute to my ever moving feelings when I listen to tunes, but just  read these lyrics and tell me YOU didn’t get at least a little misty-eyed.

I know there’s hurt I know there’s pain,
But people change lord knows I’ve been no saint
In my own way, regret choices I’ve made
How do I say I’m sorry? How do I say I’m sorry?

I was scared, I was unprepared oh, for the things you said
If I could undo that I hurt you I would do anything for us to make it through
Draw me a smile, and save me tonight
I am a blank page waiting for you to bring me to life
Paint me a heart let me be your art

I am a blank page waiting for life to start
Let our hearts stop and beat as one together
Let out hearts stop and beat as one forever
How can I erase decisions I’ve made
How do I go back what more can I say
All that remains are hearts filled with shame
How do we say we’re sorry? How do we say we’re sorry

I was scared, I was unprepared oh, for the things you said
If I could undo that I hurt you I would do anything for us to make it through
Draw me a smile and save me tonight
I am a blank page waiting for you to bring me to life
Paint me a heart let me be your art

I am a blank page waiting for life to start
Let our hearts stop and beat as one together
Let out hearts stop and beat as one forever
I’d go back in time and I’ll realize
Our spirits aligned and we’d never die
Draw me a smile, and save me tonight
I’ll be your blank page waiting for you to bring me to life
Paint me a heart let me be your art
I am a blank page waiting for life to start
Let our hearts start and beat as one together
Let our hearts start and beat as one forever

P.S. It’s Christina Aguilera if you wanna look it up and bawl.