I Wanna, I Wanna, I Wanna…

Yes, that was a Spice Girls reference. I am not ashamed to admit my sometimes horrid and unmusical taste in music. So there.

I had a conversation with a co-worker the other night, and he seems to think I let my own wants and likes go by the wayside more often than I should. His theory is based on what he has perceived of my life, and loosely based on things I’ve mentioned  in passing conversation.

I got to thinking about his statement, and about relationships. When a person is in a relationship with another person, is there not always a few likes and wants that are at times pushed aside by the other person’s likes and wants? Relationships are all about compromise, or so I’ve been told. I just happen to be more compromising than some people. And to be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever met any couple that has absolutely every like or desire in common. They may say it, but that doesn’t make it true.

Mayhap it’s because I’m a Libra, or bi-polar, or just all-out insane, but I am completely inept at making decisions. Although, once I have made them, I am much too stubborn to go back and change my mind. At least on the important things. Perhaps that is why I somewhat depend on the person I’m in a relationship with to make the big decisions.

Of course there are things I like. When asked, I would say I like books, and hugs. Throw in a little (or a lot) of sex, music, and some quiet time, and my life is mostly complete. I think it’s safe to say that these are all things that in no way interfere with or override my Rockstar’s likes or wants. In fact, sex can only increase the quality of his life, as can books. (If he actually reads them.) The only thing I may like that he isn’t necessarily prepared to give is excessive amounts of attention. (But then again, is anyone in the world ready to give me as much as I want? I think not.)

I tried to explain my complications to my coworker. I am convinced that if I were single, or in any way unattached, I would be dead within a year or two. I think to much when I am alone, (my Rockstar agrees with me completely on that), and honestly I don’t like myself enough to actually care about what happens to me, so alcoholism, addiction, and aids would probably all kill me eventually. Perhaps this is why I desire a child, or ten- if I had them, I’d have someone that needs me. (Right now, I take care of my Rockstar and his Daughter, but I am unconvinced he actually NEEDS me- which is as it should be, since he is 42.)

Enough of this rambling. To quote Juno, all I really want is someone who even through my worst “still thinks the sun shines out my ass.” All the other shit is just filler.