A Retard Response

It has been brought to my attention that I am offensive.

I must tell you, if anyone bothered to ask, I would gleefully admit fault at this accusation.

However, I am sad I’ve lost a reader over it.

(Mainly because every reader I DON’T have keeps me that much further from taking over the world.)

Our little story begins with a post I wrote in which I used the word “retarded”.

I agree that this word is highly offensive; after all, no one exactly goes around wishing someone would accuse them of retardedness. That being said, I wish to set things in the right.

A reader left a comment stating that the use of the word “retard” should never happen to beget laughs or guffaws. Therein lies the problem.

Firstly, if I happen to be funny in my posts, it is not intentional. True, I may on occasion publish something filled with wit, but I myself do not find myself overly amusing. (Unless I stand in front of the mirror naked and stick my belly out while juggling my excessive busooms.) So really, if I used the word “retard”, it was because I meant it as it is meant to be used, and not to accrue readers looking for laughs.

After my back and forth comments with said reader, I began to wonder if maybe I was in the wrong. (Briefly, mind you, as people of genius are rarely ever mistaken.) I made a point to come home and consult my Webster’s Encyclopedic Dictionary, my American Heritage Dictionary, and my handy dandy online Dictionary, only to discover that I did, in fact, use the word “retard” in the correct and un-offensive manner.

From Webster:

Retard: To obstruct in swiftness of course, to keep delaying, to impede; to hinder

From America’s Heritage:

Retard: To cause to move or proceed slowly, to be delayed.

From the world wide web dictionary:

Retard: A person who is stupid, obtuse, or ineffective in some way.

So there you have it. I believe my exact words were “I went to the non-retarded looking check out person”. Because I wanted to swiftly and without hinderance be out of the grocery store. Whether you look at definition 1, 2, or 3, I in no way used the word “retard” in reference in a derogatory way toward or about someone who may or may not be mentally handicapped, which is what my dear reader was so upset about. I simply wanted to be checked out by someone who was not stupid, obtuse, or ineffective in getting me the hell out of the grocery store.

I understand why someone with a mentally handicapped relative or friend may take offense at the term, but I have never used such a word in malice or hatred. If anyone would bother to delve a little deeper into past posts that I have written, they will notice that I am without judgment or prejudice toward anyone of different race, gender, creed, what have you. If anything, I take offense that anyone would dare suggest I used the word “retard” loosely or in a derogatory way, because I do on occasion read the dictionary to find out the proper and real definitions of words. I do not apologize for the things that I’ve written, but am only sorry some people have sticks up their asses and need to blow shit out of proportion.

P.S. If I would have meant it in a derogatory fashion, I woulda said, “Aright, Rain Man, get your fuckin’ retarded ass in gear.” But that is something I would never say. And really,  if you care to admit it or not, everyone is a little retarded in some way. After all, I am completely obtuse when it come to mathematics.

P.P.S And really, I find myself to be much more offensive in nearly every other post I’ve ever written. Do you not agree?



Filed under Humor, Life, Uncategorized

7 responses to “A Retard Response

  1. He who takes offense, when none is offered, is a fool. I wonder if Papa has read 1984. Keep callin’ ’em the way you see ’em. To lose a reader for that, is no real loss. He can be coffee-boy when you achieve world dominion. 😀

  2. This appears to be a pointless discussion because your first inclination was to get offended by my suggestion of your possible insensitivity or absence of awareness about the appearance of such, even though my very politely stated intention was to state my sensitivity to your use of the word retarded.

    When I punched it into google, the FIRST definition I found was:
    : slow or limited in intellectual or emotional development or academic progress
    and right below it:
    Medical Definition of RETARDED
    sometimes offensive : slow or limited in intellectual or emotional development : characterized by mental retardation

    I knew a kid growing up who was mentally handicapped, and insensitive kids called him Ricky Retard. I have a cousin who, back then, was described as mentally retarded, which is accurate, but when it became shortened to “retard,” eventually was recognized as offensive and changed in popular speech just as “disabled” at some point became “physically challenged.”

    Funny how you chose an image of a person with Down’s syndrome to accompany this post defending your use of “non-retarded looking.”

    I’ll not bother you again.

    • Oddly enough, the definitions I used were ALL the FIRST definitions in whichever book I found them in. Also, I happen to have a coworker who has a sister who is mentally handicapped; I asked him if he was offended by the use of that word, and he said, “Usually the people offended by that word have no business being offended, because they are not the retarded ones.” I previously worked in a day program with mentally handicapped individuals, so yes, I know those type of people too, and they are some of the coolest people I ever met, and I never once referred to them as “retards” because they were smarter than most people I know without any disabilities.

  3. No, I don’t agree. I enjoy your posts very much and, much to your apparent surprise, find them to be quite humorous and fun. You have a clever and witty outlook that I always enjoy.

    That being said, I do remember the post referenced here and questioned your use of the word “retarded” upon first reading. Many words, regardless of their intended literal definition, have grown to become offensive by perpetual misuse. Certainly this is one such word.

    Fear not. I love you.

    • Well, I stand my choice of word. I took the time to write a post about why I chose the word; its the same as the word “gay” which I still use when describing happy. It’s not my fault the world has bastardized such words, and I refuse to accept it. That being said, I’m glad you still love me. Xoxo

      • geekylola

        I totally agree with you. It’s like the word niggardly. People hear the first part of the word and assume it’s racial. It actually means stingy. People take words that mean one thing and turn them into something ugly and then that word is forever tainted by the idea that it is ugly or hateful, even when being used correctly.

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