Pest Control


I arrived at work today with my favorite new drink from Caribou Coffee- a large sparkling peach black tea- to find the pest control guy awaiting me. Not only was the normal dude there, but I was lucky enough to be allotted TWO pest control guys on this very special of days. (To be clear, it is not because my restaurant is overrun with bugs, but because the old guy is letting go of some of his responsibility.) I was momentarily distracted as I wondered what possessed people to become pest control personnel in the first place, before I let them in to go about their buggy rounds.

I began my work day with my mind wandering about pest guys and bugs and traps before I unintentionally came up with the most outstanding of ideas. There should be a pest control company for PEOPLE!

Sure, the traps would have to be live traps, so as not to have any type of homicide law suits on one’s hands, and instead of fumigating said humanic pests, perhaps only tranquelizing. But think about it!

Everyone has that one really annoying person at work who is very loud, and who unremittingly will voice their opinions without being asked for them. They usually are quite vocal about following the rules, and are quick to point out those who are failing to do so. Generally, this pesty person is so busy pointed out everyone else’s transgressions that they have little time to complete whatever work it is they are getting paid to do. Wouldn’t it be lovely if you could just call up your designated Homosapien Pest Control team and have them come out to tranquelize your little problem?

Too, the noisy, rude people you sometimes see in stores who are ranting endlessly that they have been wronged in some shopping botheration? Not a problem! Just activate the newest app on your Iphone 7 and watch that loser be carted away to a padded room until they’ve calmed down enough to realize that they were blowing shit out of proportion.

The live traps would be solely for the unintelligent of our human races, the people who are annoying because of their complete lack of brain cells. Perhaps boxes could be set up around various street corners, filled with sparkly things or copious amounts of money- something to lure the brain dead inside. Announcements could be made ahead of time, letting people know that said boxes were traps for the non-bright of our species. That way, there could be no wrongful deaths and/or entrapments, since people were warned. What to do with these dumb dumbs once they have been captured is still an issue.
Whatever the case, I must say that this idea must be further developed.

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12 Comments

Filed under Humor, Life, Uncategorized, Work

12 responses to “Pest Control

  1. I went to Australia. The border guard asked me if I had a criminal record. I said, I didn’t know they were still mandatory. 🙄 Ba-dump-bump!

  2. And there it is, your ticket to fortune.

  3. charitypest

    After they are caught, they must be relocated to a suitable location…say Australia. Oh, never mind. They did that before!

  4. That’s not to say I don’t think the idea has some merit…

  5. The problem is that once you start talking about doing away with the stupid people, where does it end? And who gets to pick them? You just end up being compared to Hitler… so…

  6. I think you’re on to something! I’ll buy one!

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